There are two types of dodgem rides in the UK. The ‘traditional’ English track and the more modern continental dodgem style track.
The short video above illustrates the second of these. The more highly decorated, and easier to set up modern dodgem ride. Or bumper cars as they are called in the North East.
This type has the advantage of being much quicker to set up than its older counterpart. Indeed the ride shown has been ready to go in as little as two hours from driving into position.
Continental Dodgem Track For Hire
If you want to hire this or a traditional track, take a look at bumper cars hire.
They say that history goes around in circles. That we are doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past in an endless cycle. It’s not fun & it’s not fair.
Around 130 years ago the Van Dwellers Association was formed to protect the interests of travelling showmen. The impetus for this was a series of bills being enacted in parliament to restrict the ability of the showmen to travel around the country. It was postulated that they would spread disease and anarchy throughout the realm, putting an end, as one MP stated, to the ‘work of civilisation.’ The efforts of the association managed to stop this pernicious attack on the showmen’s way of life and the bill was defeated.
Showmen’s Guild
Eventually the association became the Showmen’s Guild and was recognised as the trade association for travelling funfairs. The organisation has worked since then to advance the rights and well being of the funfair industry as a whole.
So why the reference to history at the start of this post?
Well, here we are in the 21st century, and once again the life and business of the showman is under threat due to the impression that they will be travelling the country spreading disease and pestilence.
Covid 19
Unless you have been in a coma since the start of the year, you will be familiar with the current Covid crisis. Sweeping not only these sceptered isles, but pretty much the entire globe. Microbes that swarm and multiply unseen have ravaged the land, caused untold deaths and decimated much of the economy.
Quite rightly in the early days of the onslaught, we were all locked down. Facing an unseen enemy, that was little understood, but virulent and indiscriminate in its choice of victim.
Whatever the truth about the actual death rate from the illness, there is no argument that it has destroyed people’s lives and businesses. The support package provided by the chancellor helped many people, but as happens in such cases, left many more falling through the cracks with little or no support.
Easing The Restrictions
Eventually, as the rate of infection fell, the government started to ease the lockdown. They had little choice, the economy, already severely wounded, couldn’t take the blow of remaining closed much longer, lest the cure became worse than the disease..
Establishments were gradually brought back into operation, pubs, restaurants, most shops, you were even allowed a haircut.
Of course businesses had to become Covid secure, with hand sanitising facilities, anti microbial treatments on surfaces and social distancing becoming the “new normal.”
Travelling funfairs, for so long locked down, began to slowly re emerge into the brave new world we were living in. With rides operating at reduced capacity, all of the aforementioned Covid requirements being met, and the use of track and trace systems, the industry was labouring under a heavy load of restrictions.
A Step Back
It didn’t last long however. Within a scant few weeks, councils decided that funfairs were to be stopped. Despite the go ahead from the government, despite meeting and in many cases exceeding the Covid secure requirements, despite being held outdoors, with massively increased spacing between rides, the powers that be decided that, much like 130 years ago, showmen needed to be stopped.
Arguments can be made both for and against this decision. No one wants to be responsible for spreading the illness. Yet whilst a business such as a pub, which has its patrons locked into restricted indoor spaces smaller than an average funfair ride, is regarded as perfectly safe. A large funfair ride, operating at half capacity, in the middle of a field, outdoors is too dangerous to contemplate.
To add insult to injury, many of the councils banning travelling funfairs . Have expressly permitted ‘fixed funfairs’ such as theme parks. Hmmm, lets have a quick think. A typical theme park, has fixed rides that cannot be moved or spaced out. Everything is designed to maximise the space they have available. With guests queuing in proximity to each other. A travelling funfair, being set up from scratch, can either spread itself out for social distancing. Or operate with less attractions to achieve the same.
So why the discrepancy? Thus far, no one asked has been able to express a legitimate answer to this. Could it be that things have come full circle. Once again the showman are deemed to pose a threat to civilisation. After 130 years of supposed progress, are we once again to be considered pariahs in society.
Whatever the reason, its not fun, and it certainly ain’t fair.
This is a tale of disaster and destruction caused by a close friend of mind who is a dead ringer for the grim reaper. Let me introduce Fred. Fred is is the sort of guy that if you had a problem would be the first there to help you. If he had a £1 and you needed it more than him he would let you have it.
He does however have a couple of issues. First is his propensity to eat. By eat, I don’t mean take enough calories in to survive. I mean eat like a garbage disposal machine on steroids. He once went with a family group to an Indian restaurant. The waiter came to Fred first, took his order then started to leave. When another guest asked the waiter where he was going he replied “To the kitchen with your order.” No mate, that is Fred’s order, the rest of the table want food as well.
Claim To Fame
For a time he had a minor claim to fame at Harry Ramsdens Fish and Chip shop in Hong Kong. It seems they had a challenge, eat their special fish and chip dish and you got it for free. So Fred being Fred was up for the challenge. When it arrived they reported that it was the size of a small shark. It was huge, with a pile of chips you could have used for mountaineering exercise, and enough mushy peas to fill the moat at the Tower of London.
The waiter explained the rules, you had a set amount of time to eat it, you couldn’t share it etc. When he asked Fred if there was anything else he needed to know Fred told him, “Yes, can I have some slices of bread and butter please as I am quite hungry.” Suffice it to say Fred demolished the dish and ended up with his picture on the wall.
Any One For Fish And Chips
A Modern Day Frank Spencer
Fred’s other trait, is that he is a combination of the grim reaper and Frank Spencer. Now if you are too young to remember Frank, check this video out. Basically he was what could charitably be described as an idiot. He meant well, and tried his best, but whatever he did would set off a chain reaction that ended up in chaos and mayhem.
When the Challenger space shuttle exploded, Fred was in America. He was somewhere in the region when the tsunami hit a few years back. And I have no doubt that once scientists get to the bottom of Covid 19, Fred will be a link in the chain, probably with something he ate.
I was once with him at a Masonic social event, when 2 buttons popped off of his shirt, flew across the table and hit a guy in the eye. He promptly turned and punched a neighbour because he though he had attacked him. That’s the sort of thing Fred can create without even trying.
Fred and His Rides
Anyway, Fred owns a couple of children’s funfair rides, and occasionally we contract him in for jobs. A couple of days after one such contract Fred rang to tell me he had encountered a problem on the job. Now, my standing instructions are that problems are to be reported to me as soon as they happen so that I can contact the client and try and sort it out, rather than them ringing me days later upset. So I immediately went into a rant, questioning the marital status of Fred’s parents when he was born, and introducing him to some other Anglo Saxon phrases. In between a pause for breath, Fred interjected that it hadn’t actually happened on the job. Good, that calmed me down a bit. What he said happened was, well I will let Fred tell you in his own words!
The Pheasant
When I set off home in my transit van, towing the ride, the motorway was closed due to an accident, so my sat nav diverted me cross country. I was sat at a nice 60 mph, on a single carriageway road, when I hit a pheasant.
The said pheasant, was catapulted at high velocity, across the road, whereupon it happened to smack the lead rider, in a pair of cyclists, smack bang in the side of the head. He promptly disappeared over the edge of the road, and down a 20 ft embankment.
Now, I felt partially responsible for this state of affairs, so I pulled up to help him. Coming the other way, was a lovely elderly couple in a beautiful vintage car, that I later learnt from them, they had been 15 years restoring it to its current state. They also saw what had happened, and pulled up on the other side of the road.
I climbed down the bank with the other cyclist, his mate was a bit battered and shaky, his bike wheels were bent into weird shapes, so we helped him back up the bank, and then retrieved his bike.
Not the actual pheasant
The Incredible Hulk
The cyclist sat for a few minutes pulling himself together, then asked what had happened. I pointed at the pheasant, feebly twitching at the edge of the road and explained. The rider, stood up, then ran at the pheasant and booted across the road.
Straight into the path of a four door pick up truck. The driver instinctively swerved, and ran straight into the elderly couples vintage car. Turning it into a pile of parts scattered over a wide area.
As the pickup came to a stop, the door opened, and what can only be described as a white version of the incredible hulk unfurled himself from the interior. As he walked towards us all, he growled “I have just driven that out of the showroom, its my first ever brand new motor, I am on the way to show me mam, Where did that fu***ng bird come from?”
Not Someone You Want To Annoy
Exit Left
Deciding that I so wanted to continue living, I pointed at the cyclist, and said he kicked it. Mr Hulk, promptly hit him with a crashing right hand. That sent him over the edge and back down the embankment. He then proceeded to jump on the other cyclists bike in an attempt to create some modern art.
At this point I finally understood the phrase discretion is the better part of valour. Not wanting my initial part in the disaster to be brought up. I decided to test the acceleration of a transit van towing a ride to exit the area. Looking back as I set off, the second cyclist was clinging to the hulks neck, in a vain attempt to save his bike. The little old couple were sat crying by the roadside over their demolished car.
I don’t know why things like this keep happening to me!
Like most of the rest of the events industry, our previously full order book for 2020 disappeared literally overnight due to the pesky little microbe doing the rounds. Like all of our compatriots in the industry we sat and wondered if we would ever work again, and if so when. So when we suddenly started picking up bookings for August it was both a godsend and a worry.
A godsend obviously as we would be earning again. A worry about how things were going to be under the ‘new normal’ as it is being called. The first of the jobs to arrive was for a previously regular client, Amazon. Usually through the year we do a mixture of work ranging from handing out catering goodies during Prime and peak periods, to providing a full fairground for their summer barbeque.
The first job was giving popcorn out at one of the Northern fulfillment centres. We had done the same thing a number of times over the years at the same centre so usually this would be a nice easy repeat job. However after talking with the client and doing our own research we put together a package of anti Covid-19 measures.
Catering Carts
Covid-19 Screening
The first change was to install clear polycarbonate screening on the carts we use to separate our staff from the guests. Although we could still interact with them to a degree, it did feel weird and somehow strangely disconnecting. Usually we engage in a bit of banter and joking, but this felt more ‘institutionalised.’
Zoono Anti Microbial
Zoono 30 day surface treatment
After researching most of the sanitisation options, we settled on Zoono. Not a cheap option, this bonds a film to the surface of whatever you spray it on that lasts for upto 30 days. The product actively kills virus molecules after application, rather than just during the cleaning process. For complete safety our standard operating procedure is to apply it at the start of each job. We also use their hand sanitiser, which creates a similar barrier on your hands, this time lasting for 24 hours.
Boris Says, Hands – Face – Space
Sanitisation Stations
The carts have a hand sanitiser mounted for the guests to use. We also built a number of portable units that can attach to hand rails, counters, carts, rides etc. This means that even when we are using sub contractors we can ensure that all the attractions we supply come with approved sanitisation facilities for the guests and staff.
Personal Protective Equipment
To round off our anti Covid activities, we supply all of our staff with full face shields to help protect them and the guests from each other. These are far more comfortable to wear for extended periods of working than the little face masks that we tried. Well and truly back in the saddle
Myth Busters on the funfair. Growing up in a funfair community, before making the move into full time corporate entertainment. I came across over the years some stunning examples of ignorance concerning our industry.
I will attempt to expel some of the most common, and in same cases hilarious examples I have personally been witness to.
Be Careful They Don’t Steal Your Kids
I think this is a holdover from people thinking we are gypsy’s. As I have heard the same comments directed at them. As far as I can find out from a medical point of view, people brought up on the fairground, have the same levels of fertility as the wider community. So why an earth does any rational person think we need to steal kids. The community also being extremely tight knit, wasn’t really very accepting of outsiders. So anyone magically acquiring a kid they had purloined from the outside world would find it very quickly ostracised.
As an aside, there have been occasional cases in the news where people have abducted children from hospitals etc, and been caught. To the best of my knowledge, none of these people have ever had a connection with our industry. So perhaps we have more to fear for our kids being stolen than the other way around.
All The Men On The Fairground Have Tattoos
Hmm, looking at the popular media portrayal of the fairground worker you would think so. Only we don’t, tattoos are considered about on par with halitosis or scabies, you don’t want them. The actual fairground owners just don’t have tattoos. Dave, who you met on the waltzers will almost certainly have them. But here’s the thing, Dave is a local lad that has been employed to help on the rides. He is one of you, not one of us.
The Lads On The Fair Will Steal Your Girlfriend
This is one that I have to hold my hands up and admit has more than a grain of truth. To some teenage girls the bright lights and big rides seem exotic. And there are many cases of hook ups between said young ladies and guys on the fair. It was usually followed the next day by punch ups between irate boyfriends and guys on the fair.
When The Fair Is In Town Crime Goes Up
This is a persistent one that we could never seem to shake off. Some towns we visited would see many of the shops close the week we were there. It’s a stark contrast to the continent, where the fairs and the local chamber of commerce and shops all work together. Indeed on many Dutch Fairgrounds, the shops will sponsor prizes for the best ride or attraction.
I once asked a local superintendent about this, and what he told me was that in his experience the opposite was true. He said that most of the toerag thieves and druggies tended to visit the fair, rather than be out on the rob, so he claimed a reduction in things like housebreaking.
We Know He Was Off The Fairground Because He Wasn’t Wearing Socks Or Shoes
This was an actual quote made to me by a police officer. We had all arrived to set up in Preston Park for an annual event. A squad car turned up with a couple of young officers in. The officer in charge started enquiring if any of us were missing a member of staff. He explained that a body had been found on the motorway about 20 miles away. When I asked why they thought a random body was anything to do with us, that was his reply. “He wasn’t wearing socks or shoes.” Funny thing, I looked down and all of us had socks and shoes on. Well at least we had shoes, without going round pulling trousers legs up I couldn’t swear to the socks. Obviously the officer in question had failed the intelligence test to become a Unigate milkman and joined the police force instead.
We Have A Large Suspect Pool, It Consists Of Everyone Who Was Working At The Fair
We have endured similar over the years. I once received a message from the police that they would like to interview me. It is only routine they said, but they were interviewing everyone who had attended Stokesly Show Fair due to a young lady being sexually assaulted. I told the female detective that she couldn’t see me that day as I was just leaving to an event in Ripon city centre. “No, probs, I did my probation at Ripon nick, could you pop in and see me, only take a minute.”
I duly popped in, and as I sat down in front of her she told me that I was free to go. Turned out they weren’t actually interviewing people, they had a description and if you fitted it they would arrest you. Just out of interest I enquired as to how they intended to track everyone who had attended the fair to see if they fit the description. “Oh we don’t, we are only interviewing people off the actual fair!”
So there might well have been 100,000 people visit the event. But the suspects were strictly limited to the couple of hundred showmen. Who would actually have been hard at work during the time of the fair. Sometimes in compiling these myth busters I truly despair as to the levels of prejudice.
Harrogate
A similar thing occurred a few years later at the Harrogate stray funfair. It seems that someone had been knocked off of their bike and killed on a country road leading to harrogate. Because that particular week the fair was in town, it was decided by the local Stasi, erm sorry constabulary, that it must be a funfair vehicle that had hit him. I mean, there was at least 20 funfair vehicles used that road on that day compared to only a few thousand non funfair vehicles, so its obvious isn’t it.
Anyway said local force turned up armed with paint scrapers to scrape paint samples from all the vehicles on the fair. I must admit this still annoys me all these years later as I had just had my vehicle resprayed, some two weeks before. Again I asked if the paint vandalism was being carried out on all the local hauliers vehicles. Silly question that I knew the answer to before it was asked.
They Don’t Pay Taxes
Another common misconception that we can use in our myth busters. Oh, if only. If I didn’t pay taxes I would be able to afford that 4 seat Cessna airplane I fancy. Or a nice motor cruiser. Obviously there will be some who don’t declare everything to HMRC. But the proportion will be no different to the wider world who aren’t showmen. I don’t for one minute think there are enough funfair operators fiddling their books to keep all those tax inspectors in employment.
Myth Busters They Just Turn Up And Set Up
In January I used to be able to tell you almost every fair I would be attending that season. There would be an occasional gala I might pick up at the last minute. Or occasionally the weather would cancel a fair and I would manage to secure a plot at an alternative. But by and large the events I attended were regular events. That had in some cases been going on for hundreds of years. Even the smaller events would still need permission from landowners, liaison with the police and other local emergency services, sometimes road closure orders, and all would need the layout and mixture of rides and attractions sorting out well in advance. We also needed to advertise the event in advance to ensure we had enough patrons to make it worthwhile.
I cannot remember in 50 years, once ever just turning up and deciding a plot of land would be nice for an immediate funfair to be opened.
Hopefully we can add some more myth busters to our list in the future.
Nowadays weddings are no longer the staid formal affairs they used to be. People look to make them a more fun experience that all of their guests enjoy. Funfair attractions are becoming a popular option at weddings and parties. Here are the 4 best funfair rides for you wedding.
Dodgems
Easily the most fun you can have. Dodgems are loved by all ages, from young kids riding with their parents, to elderly grandparents. Contrary to popular belief, the clue is in the name. You are supposed to dodge each other, not crash head on. Though in our native North East they are more commonly referred to as bumper cars. Hire dodgems and you just can’t go wrong.
You can hire various types and sizes of dodgems. The two main options are continental or traditional. The continental are the latest, highly decorated type rides with additional lighting and bigger music systems. The drawback is they are supplied all folded up on a large trailer and need to be driven in to position. This limits some of the venues they can use.
The traditional type are supplied in little sections and are carried into position for assembly. This means they can be taken through a narrow gate, or into a building so they are far more flexible. They give virtually the same ride, but visually are not as impressive.
Continental Dodgems For HireTraditional Dodgems For Hire
Victorian Carousel
Although not as good a ride as the dodgems, the Carousel is easily the most attractive and ornate ride on the funfair. Dating back to the Reign of Queen Victoria, the carousel is pretty much unchanged from that time. Although electric drive has taken the place of steam. Usually highly decorated with lashings of gold leaf, lots of lights and a traditional organ playing the music. If you want a fabulous set of photos with the bridal party, then this is the ride.
Victorian Carousel Hire
Traditional Ferris Wheel
Another of the iconic traditional ride is the vintage ferris wheel. A little more sedate than the dodgems, its an ideal ride for slightly older guests. The usual tagline is “See the fair from the air.” It will give your wedding a whole new perspective.
Ferris Wheel Hire
Now For Something Different, The Miami Trip.
This is a bit of a curve ball. Its more of a high speed thrill ride, perfect for teenagers and thrill seekers. It makes this list because of two attributes. Firstly its one of the most compact rides on the fairground, needing about half of what any other ride requires. So if you have a smaller compat venue, this might be your only option. Additionally because it is so quick to set up, it tends to be about thirty percent cheaper than most other rides, so its great if you are on a budget.
Miami Ride For Hire
Whichever ride you choose, its sure to delight your guests. If you have the space and budget then we can usually do you a discounted deal on more than 1 ride. Although these are the 4 best funfair rides for your wedding there are many other rides available, so we can prepare packages to your precise requirements.
We put a lot of work into being professional, giving our clients an excellent service and hopefully securing regular repeat business. Sometimes though I think we are a bit like ducks, all calm and serene looking on the surface, whilst paddling furiously underneath to keep things going.
We seem to go for extended periods of time, without any major problems or issues. Then all of a sudden the gods of spite rear their ugly heads to slap us about a bit.
A few years ago we were contracted to provide a small family funfair for the opening of NUS Mutuals new headquarters. I wrote about our run in with Princess Anne’s bodyguards at the same event.
In the event, we got set up in the nick of time, operated to the clients satisfaction and was all derigged ready for the road by about 11pm. That should have put us on getting back home for around 2am.
We sent the girls on ahead in the car, I was in a lorry towing a children’s ride, and Arthur was in another lorry towing a trailer loaded with equipment.
Arthur
I’ll introduce Arthur, he could loosely be described as a business partner. There was nothing official, but we tended to do some of the larger jobs together. Physically he looked a bit like Austin Powers, only much much shorter. Think of a 4ft 10 version of Austin Powers, glasses and all and you would be on the right track.
Anyway, I was just approaching Tamworth services when I gets a phone call from Arthur.
“One of the wheels on my trailer is hot”
“How Hot” I enquired.
“Too FU*&^NG hot to touch”, was his expert opinion. That sounded like a wheel bearing was on its way out. I told him I would wait for him in the services.
When he arrived I found he was pretty accurate in his diagnoses, It was too hot to touch. I told him to jack the wheel off the floor so we could see how bad it was. When he did the wheel promptly fell off. The bearing wasn’t on its way out, it had left the building, deceased, kaput, as dead as a very dead thing.
Not our bearing, but one remarkably like it.
When Spares Are A Good Idea
Luckily, the bearing was the same type as used on the wheels of the children’s ride I was towing. I always keep a couple of spares in stock, as they have failed on me in the past. No probs, half an hour and we would be back on the road. We cleaned the stub axle up, changed the bearing, put the wheel back on, and I told Arthur to tighten the locking nut to hold everything in place.
Slight problem he told me, the threads had been damaged and the nut wouldn’t go back on. Crap, we will have to weld it on. “Got a welder” he asked, I did in fact have one, 100 miles away back at base. Why havent you got one was my retort, “Because I didn’t know my FU*&^NG wheel bearing was FU*&^NG going to FU*&^NG fail” was his eloquent reply.
My Kingdom For A Welder
So there we were half past midnight stuck in services on a Sunday morning with no welder. Luckily I thought of my Uncle Michael. About 60 miles away in Nottinghamshire, at that time he would have just been coming in from the pub. A quick call and he agreed to leave a welder at the gate of his property for us to pick up.
Cue a 2 hour round trip for the welder. We got back set the welder up, ran a cable to the power generator, started it up, and welded the nut on. Only we didn’t, as Arthur touched the welding rod to the nut, the generator stopped.
Having just installed it the day before, it didn’t have a fuel tank fitted, instead the fuel was in a five gallon plastic drum. This had moved en route and pulled the fuel pipe out so the engine was starved of diesel. Not an issue, we have purged the fuel system of air plenty often in the past.
My Kingdom For A Battery
We did that, turned the key, and nothing happened, the sodding battery was flat. Now we needed jumper cables, which were also back home. No problem, we were in a services, you could go and buy a set from the garage. You know the type, they are £3.99 a set, only in the services they add a 0 on the end.
No matter the cost we needed the bloody things. We connected them up and yay, the damn thing started. Only the rattling and crunching indicated that the starter motor hadn’t disengaged. It was now being torn apart by the engine running.
Arthur looked at me, “Just weld the FU&*^NG thing on and we’ll repair the starter tomorrow.”
We limped home just as it was becoming daylight, a three hour trip turning into around 8 hours.
