Category: Fun Story

Fun Story, Funfair Rides

The Grim Reaper, Tales Of Misadventures

3 September 2020

This is a tale of disaster and destruction caused by a close friend of mind who is a dead ringer for the grim reaper. Let me introduce Fred. Fred is is the sort of guy that if you had a problem would be the first there to help you. If he had a £1 and you needed it more than him he would let you have it.

He does however have a couple of issues. First is his propensity to eat. By eat, I don’t mean take enough calories in to survive. I mean eat like a garbage disposal machine on steroids. He once went with a family group to an Indian restaurant. The waiter came to Fred first, took his order then started to leave. When another guest asked the waiter where he was going he replied “To the kitchen with your order.” No mate, that is Fred’s order, the rest of the table want food as well.

Claim To Fame

For a time he had a minor claim to fame at Harry Ramsdens Fish and Chip shop in Hong Kong. It seems they had a challenge, eat their special fish and chip dish and you got it for free. So Fred being Fred was up for the challenge. When it arrived they reported that it was the size of a small shark. It was huge, with a pile of chips you could have used for mountaineering exercise, and enough mushy peas to fill the moat at the Tower of London.

The waiter explained the rules, you had a set amount of time to eat it, you couldn’t share it etc. When he asked Fred if there was anything else he needed to know Fred told him, “Yes, can I have some slices of bread and butter please as I am quite hungry.” Suffice it to say Fred demolished the dish and ended up with his picture on the wall.

A Modern Day Frank Spencer

Fred’s other trait, is that he is a combination of the grim reaper and Frank Spencer. Now if you are too young to remember Frank, check this video out. Basically he was what could charitably be described as an idiot. He meant well, and tried his best, but whatever he did would set off a chain reaction that ended up in chaos and mayhem.

When the Challenger space shuttle exploded, Fred was in America. He was somewhere in the region when the tsunami hit a few years back. And I have no doubt that once scientists get to the bottom of Covid 19, Fred will be a link in the chain, probably with something he ate.

I was once with him at a Masonic social event, when 2 buttons popped off of his shirt, flew across the table and hit a guy in the eye. He promptly turned and punched a neighbour because he though he had attacked him. That’s the sort of thing Fred can create without even trying.

Fred and His Rides

Anyway, Fred owns a couple of children’s funfair rides, and occasionally we contract him in for jobs. A couple of days after one such contract Fred rang to tell me he had encountered a problem on the job. Now, my standing instructions are that problems are to be reported to me as soon as they happen so that I can contact the client and try and sort it out, rather than them ringing me days later upset. So I immediately went into a rant, questioning the marital status of Fred’s parents when he was born, and introducing him to some other Anglo Saxon phrases. In between a pause for breath, Fred interjected that it hadn’t actually happened on the job. Good, that calmed me down a bit. What he said happened was, well I will let Fred tell you in his own words!

The Pheasant

When I set off home in my transit van, towing the ride, the motorway was closed due to an accident, so my sat nav diverted me cross country. I was sat at a nice 60 mph, on a single carriageway road, when I hit a pheasant.

The said pheasant, was catapulted at high velocity, across the road, whereupon it happened to smack the lead rider, in a pair of cyclists, smack bang in the side of the head. He promptly disappeared over the edge of the road, and down a 20 ft embankment.

Now, I felt partially responsible for this state of affairs, so I pulled up to help him. Coming the other way, was a lovely elderly couple in a beautiful vintage car, that I later learnt from them, they had been 15 years restoring it to its current state. They also saw what had happened, and pulled up on the other side of the road.

I climbed down the bank with the other cyclist, his mate was a bit battered and shaky, his bike wheels were bent into weird shapes, so we helped him back up the bank, and then retrieved his bike.

The Incredible Hulk

The cyclist sat for a few minutes pulling himself together, then asked what had happened. I pointed at the pheasant, feebly twitching at the edge of the road and explained. The rider, stood up, then ran at the pheasant and booted across the road.

Straight into the path of a four door pick up truck. The driver instinctively swerved, and ran straight into the elderly couples vintage car. Turning it into a pile of parts scattered over a wide area.

As the pickup came to a stop, the door opened, and what can only be described as a white version of the incredible hulk unfurled himself from the interior. As he walked towards us all, he growled “I have just driven that out of the showroom, its my first ever brand new motor, I am on the way to show me mam, Where did that fu***ng bird come from?”

Exit Left

Deciding that I so wanted to continue living, I pointed at the cyclist, and said he kicked it. Mr Hulk, promptly hit him with a crashing right hand. That sent him over the edge and back down the embankment. He then proceeded to jump on the other cyclists bike in an attempt to create some modern art.

At this point I finally understood the phrase discretion is the better part of valour. Not wanting my initial part in the disaster to be brought up. I decided to test the acceleration of a transit van towing a ride to exit the area. Looking back as I set off, the second cyclist was clinging to the hulks neck, in a vain attempt to save his bike. The little old couple were sat crying by the roadside over their demolished car.

I don’t know why things like this keep happening to me!

Catering, Fun Story

Twisted Firestarter, Tales Of Misadventures

18 August 2020

A few years ago I bought an impressive ornate drinks fountain from a guy in Norfolk. I went down in person to pick it up. After I had loaded it in my van I got talking to him and he suddenly burst into tears. Now comforting heartbroken men isn’t really my forte. But eventually through his sobs I made out that his wife was having an affair, and that she had left him with his four kids.

I was by this point looking for an exit strategy as I had a long drive home. I did however pause when he told me he wanted to sell the rest of the business, which consisted of two chocolate fountains, a popcorn machine, a large number of chair covers, and a large number of bookings.

“Oh I’ll keep my eye out on eBay for one of the fountains”I said.

“No, I want to sell the business as a going concern and I want £3000.”

“Done”, said I as I opened the back of the van to start loading my new business up.

I remember getting home and carrying everything into the kitchen. My wife came in and burst into tears looking at the mass of stuff.

The First Job

As we got used to operating the fountains, we eventually bought soup soup kettles, these were great for melting the chocolate, you could fill them up leave them on and they wouldn’t burn or thicken the chocolate too much. But on the first job we took a microwave to melt it in batches.

Anyway at the venue, the speeches etc were over running as these things tend to do. I was getting a bit anxious as never having done a chocolate fountain job before, I wanted the spare time in case of any problems. Eventually the manager told me I could set up. I whipped the fountain up in no time then started melting the chocolate.

As I finished the last batch I shoved the jug I had been using into the microwave. Unfortunately the jug still had a couple of napkins and a spoon in. As I closed the door the microwave sprang to life. I didn’t notice, but the spoon was creating sparks which set fire to the napkins.

Towering Inferno’s Little Brother

When I did notice, I grabbed it with the intention of running outside to dispose of it. As I picked it up and hugged it to myself, the hotel manager came into the room to talk to me about doing another event. So there I was stood, holding a sodding microwave that inside was rapidly turning into a mini towering inferno, whilst praying that smoke didn’t start coming out of the top whilst in front of the manager.

Eventually he finished and left me alone, I ran outside to empty the burning crap out only to see the entire wedding party stood outside whilst the main room was turned around.

FFS, I ended up opening the back of the van up and jumping in there, emptying the fire out on the floor and dancing around to stamp it out, a bit like the twisted firestarter song really.

I think time I stumbled out the van I was coughing from the smoke but otherwise fine. The manger and the guests never tumbled and we did a number of jobs in the same hotel.

The moral of the story is, its awfully easy to become the twisted firestarter, totally innocently lol.

Event Planning, Fun Story, funfair events

A Job For Queen Victoria

14 August 2020

Working For Queen Victoria. A lot of people think that corporate entertainment is a relatively new industry. The thinking seems to be that the big corporations are relatively young and so it follows that offering them entertainment services must be equally new.

Looking back through our records, one of our earliest private jobs, was provided entertainment to Queen Victoria at Windsor castle. Not me personally I hasten to add. But a couple of generations back in the family. The Millers had a sort of a cross between a circus performance and a variety show. What exactly Queen Vic thought of them isn’t on record anywhere. Hopefully they didn’t get the “We are not amused”, the Victorian era equivalent of no X’s on Britain’s Got Talent.

Corporate Branding

I also came across a picture dating from about 1926, of one of our vehicles that had been branded up for Thorne’s Toffees. I believe it was Henry Thorne & Co. Limited of Leeds, England. The bit of history I could find was;

“From humble beginnings in a mustard and chicory shop in the 1830s, Henry Thorne’s business grew into a leading name in confectionery. Them having similar Quaker roots to Cadbury, Terry and Fry; by the time the 1960s rolled around, the Thorne business was producing over two million pieces of confectionery a day.

This lasted until 1971 the business closed with the factory being demolished. Thornes, and their distinctive slogan The World’s Premier Toffee, had their factory in the middle of Leeds. Next to the old bus station – now wasteland being used as a car park.”

Early Branding For Thornes Toffees
Early Branding For Thornes Toffees

Event Planning, Fun Story

Common Scams On Funfair Games

10 August 2020

To be fair, most of these aren’t actual scams. A lot of them rely on people not actually reading the instructions. When I learnt to fly I had 9 written exams to take, and as I walked into the room for the first one, my instructor said “RTFQ”. Now I was once told that becoming a pilot, was learning lots of acronyms and learning how to manage a hangover. I had learnt the acronyms by that point but RTFQ was a new one. Turned out to be ‘Read The Fu***NG Questions’! Seems a lot of students rushed the exam and lost points simply for not understanding the paper. And I still have trouble with hangovers. So read on to learn about some of the common scams on funfair games.

This is more of a misconception than a scam. Anyone that shoots regularly, would spend time setting up the gun to suit both his requirements and the range they were shooting at. Guns on the gallery tend to be left set up the way they came out of the box.

A lot think that the sights are off or the barrel bent. Hmm, a bent barrel doesn’t fire round corners, it tends not to fire at all as the pellet gets stuck. As to the sights being set off, some operators do that. Thing is anyone who knows how to shoot would simply fire the first shot, see which way the pellet was off, and adjust their aim accordingly. Anyone who doesn’t know how to shoot will miss, regardless of where the sights are set to.

Hoopla

You know this game, you have to throw the ring over a wooden block with a prize on, if the ring goes completely over the block and lays flat on the table you win the prize.

Now, the first problem here, is that people don’t read the instructions, they think all you need to do is get the ring over the prize. Something Stevie Wonder could probably manage. They are seldom happy once you explain why they can’t have that expensive computer game they have just told their kid they won.

Another oft heard complaint, is “The rings don’t fit over the block.” Very quickly disproved as the game operator will demonstrate they do fit.

Where the scam comes into it, if that is the right word. Is that the blocks containing the lower value prizes, perhaps a box of chocolates or small teddy. Are actually slightly smaller than the ones with the big ticket items. You can actually win on any of them, but are far more likely to be successful on the cheap stuff.

One tip is to spin the ring as you throw it, if it catches the prize right it will tend to keep spinning and work its way down and around the block.

Darts

The darts used tend to be cheap, disposable type darts, with the tips blunted. To get them to stick in the board you will need to use more force than normal and that will affect you accuracy, though most of the professional operators will actually let you use your own darts, to stave off any claims of impropriety.

A common game is bust the balloon. A board full of balloons and all you need to do is bust one with a dart, easy peasy right. Sadly harder than you think. The darts are slightly blunt, and the balloons being only partially inflated have enough give to shrug off most darts hitting them.

Pick A Ticket

In earlier years, this tended to consist of a guy (or girl) holding a basket full of sealed tickets or spinning a tombola. You paid your money, picked your tickets out, opened them, and usually found you had a fist full of losers.

Trouble is, no one would put the winning tickets in a basket. It was just too random. Sods law would dictate that when the fair was full and you wanted someone to win, no one ever did. Just as the fair was closing for the night and was pretty much deserted, someone would have a last go and win the star prize.

Eventually the Dutch system was imported. This consisted of tickets with various numbers on. To win your numbers had to add up to 21. You could play multiple times and keep your tickets to make the magic number. Thing is, you needed an odd number to win, and these were in short supply.

However, in this game, the ‘dealer’ has packets of tickets pre prepared. He knows which packets have winning tickets in so can control when someone wins. You tend to find winners come thick and fast just as a crowd is beginning to form. Once there is a large crowd playing the game then winners come out at regular intervals to keep them interested, but it is a pretty well controlled stream of winners.

Win Me If You Lose

This is one which definitely falls into the RTFQ bracket.

What happens is you see a stall with massive prizes, and large signs saying you get me if you lose. So you rush over pays your £2, cos this is a no brainer, that big teddy must be worth £50 retail, and its only gonna cost me two quid.

You throw your darts, add the numbers up and yay, you are a winner. As you sit back basking in the glory of showing your friends you are one of life’s winners, the girl in the stall hands you a keyring.

WTF. Before you explode you should really read the rules. You do in fact get the super big teddy if you lose. Trouble is you haven’t lost. The sign doesn’t say that winners get better prizes than losers. All the operator has done really, is swapped the scores around. To actually lose the game is very very difficult. SO virtually everyone wins, and gets the little prize.

The thing to bear in mind is basic common sense. No business can afford to continually swap £2 for £50 prizes. If it looks too good to be true, then it is most certainly going to be.

A variation on this are games like the hook a duck stall. You rarely win the big prize, but you can save your smaller wins up and exchange them. You really do need to work out how much something is going to cost you before you get carried away in the excitement of the day.

Genuine Games

There are many games on the fairground that give you the chance to win large prizes, but you must expect them to be difficult, or need a decent level of skill. At the end of the day, the stalls are all small businesses, and to stay in business they must take more money than the prizes, rent, fuel, insurance etc cost. So as a rule the bigger the prize, the harder it is to win. A walk around any major fair such as say Hull fair or Nottingham Goose fair, will see dozens of people carrying huge prizes, so it is possible to win them, but just use a little common sense.

If you want to hire funfair games without the scam, no probs, get in touch.

Catering, Fun Story

Weird Funfair Foods

5 August 2020

There are some weird funfair foods available at funfairs around the world. Some of them quite interesting and possibly viable in the UK. Others just plain strange. Many of our offerings such as Candy Floss Carts or Corn Dogs can trace their heritage back to the USA. So we are always on the lookout for new lines Stateside.

Here are a selection of our favourite Stateside offerings ;

The Texans actually won an award for this one, proving just about anything can be deep fried.

Kansas State Fair’s frozen pickle brine. I bet this one is super sour.

One enterprising vendor added grilled python to his offerings when he heard California’s State Fair was demanding more adventurous food offerings.

Only in Florida. A cheeseburger with deep fried ice cream. Mains and dessert all in one.

From the State of Ohio, what is it with Americans and heart attack inducing food. Called a muddy pie, it is fried bacon coated in chocolate.

Alabama make their attempt at clogging your arteries with this concoction. A hamburger served between two Krispy Kreme doughnuts.

Illinois offer this, alligator on a stick. So you can visit the State Fair’s alligator show, then eat the stars.

Take a bow Oregon, with their entry, deep fried road kill. We aren’t sure if it is actual road kill, or just the name, but we wouldn’t put anything past those crazy Yanks.

Another entry from the Golden State. Chocolate covered Scorpions. I suppose if you have a local resource you might as well make use of it.

South Carolina’s answer to the texas deep fried beer. They inject balls of fried dough with Pepsi syrup, dust them in sugar and add more syrup as a topping.

Is there anything the Americans won’t deep fry? San Diego offered up your favourite coffee brand fried into doughballs.

The Calgary Stampede saw the introduction of the $100 hot dog. Yep, that’s right, a whole $100 for a foot long dog.

WTF, I hear you ask, how does a hot dog get to be $100. Well, it might be the use of Kobe beef. A high end Japanese delicacy. Or perhaps the Louis XIII brandy that the beef is soaked in (that’s about £2500 a bottle). And the truffle and lobster topping doesn’t help in keeping the price down.

So whilst we will keep an eye on the weird funfair foods available across the pond, I can’t see us actually using any of the current offerings.

If you fancy something more sensible, say hot dog cart hire then get in touch.

Fun Story

Something Profound

28 July 2020

We have undertaken a multitude of events, from christenings to weddings, corporate parties to sales promotions. One of the things which makes this business so enjoyable is the fact that pretty much everyday, you are somewhere different, doing something different. This one lead to something really profound.

A few years ago we were contacted to supply an espresso coffee cart to an event somewhere down south. When we arrived and set up, it was in a large marquee. There was a nice gentleman in the structure who we got talking to. When we enquired as to what the event actually was, it turned out to be his daughters funeral! She was known for her love of coffee, hence us being there.

She was only a young girl, about 23 or so if I remember correctly. But in that few years, she had undertaken missionary work, acquired her HGV licence, climbed mountains, and had been working as a paramedic.

The sad story behind her demise, was that on the day of her grandfathers funeral, she hadn’t turned up. When they went to her flat to see why, she was laid in bed and had sadly passed away. It turns out she had a sort of adult cot death syndrome, no actual cause for her passing was found at the post mortem.

There were various pictures of her exploits around the marquee. And in one corner was a plaque with these words;

Whatever we do in this life will be insignificant. But its important that we do it anyways.

I think that is one of the most profound statements I have ever read, coming I believe from Mahatma Gandhi.

Catering, Fun Story

National Hot Dog Day, How Do You Take It

23 July 2020
Hot Diggity Dog

Its 23rd July National Hot Dog Day. Hot diggety dog, or should we say dogs. That staple of fast food, beloved at stadiums around the world.

Our American cousins eat an estimated 20 billion a year. Whilst we don’t eat anywhere near that, they are an increasingly popular option on menu’s throughout the UK.

Frankfurt-am-Main in Germany is traditionally credited with originating the Frankfurter. Though this is in contention, by the claim that the “little-dog” sausage was invented by a certain Johann Georghehner, a butcher from Coberg in Germany. Whatever the true origin, in 1893 they became standard fare at baseball stadiums in the States. This tradition is believed to have been started by a St. Louis bar owner, Chris Von de Ahe, who was a German immigrant and owner of the St. Louis Browns major league baseball team.

The world’s biggest hot dog measured 669ft.

Hot Diggity Dog
Hot Diggity Dog

The New Gourmet Hot Dog Food

Like the humble burger before it, frankfurters are undergoing something of a Renaissance over here, being elevated to gourmet fare with upmarket ingredients and toppings.

We offer a range of hot dog cart hire for your events. With basic hot dogs, chilli dogs, and even the American corn dogs, which are basically hot dog sausages inside a waffle on a stick.

However you like your, happy national hot dog day!

American Catering Cart
American Catering Cart

Catering, Fun Story, Uncategorised

Yes We Can Do That, (How I Have No Idea)

20 July 2020
Espresso coffee carts for weddings parties events

The large corporate clients we have, tend to have very little loyalty. If you can’t do precisely what they want, they have no qualms about dropping you and using the next events company on their list.

Over time this has given us the mindset of Yosser Hughes in boys from the black stuff. He was desperate for a job and any job that popped up he would proclaim “gizza job, I can do that.” Anytime a major client asks if we can do something the answer is always “Of course, been doing that for years, piece of cake”. Once we get off the phone it then becomes, “How the hell are we going to do this?”

Espresso Coffee Cart

My wife walked into the office one Monday morning, and picked up an email printed out on my desk. It was the contract for providing an espresso coffee cart to HSBC’s headquarters for an event on the Wednesday, two days hence.

She looked at me inquiringly and asked “Who is doing that job for us?”

“No one, we are doing it ourselves”

She raised an eyebrow and replied “We don’t have an effing espresso coffee cart!”

“Ha”, says I, “Not a problem, Ian is out building the cart now, the coffee machine and equipment is being delivered in the morning, and I am on a Barista training course tomorrow evening”

On the day the first customer was like, “A cappuccino, two lattes, an espresso and a Machiato please”. WTF, help, I can’t do this.

When I had calmed down, I realised that every drink started with an espresso, you just added different amounts of steamed milk and foam. They wanted 5 drinks, you made 5 espressos, steamed a large jug of milk, then poured to suit. Easy peasy. In fact they were so impressed that they had us back on a number of occasions. The espresso cart is now a firm favourite amongst many of our staff.

Sony And Nissan Walk Into A Bar

A couple of years later I got a call from a long term client, an events company we worked with quite often. “Jason, do you do mobile bars, we have a massive job on offer from Sony and Nissan, they need a bar to celebrate the end of a worldwide competition they have been running.”, basically players on the Sony GT racing game could compete to win a place on the actual Nissan racing driver development program.

“Yep, we can do that, when is it?”

Lol, “A week today”, gulp. “Er yeh no problem”.

When I told my wife she said that this time I was on my own, she wasn’t coming to that event as I was going to fall flat on my face in front of a major corporate client.

I spent the day feverishly ordering equipment we would need. Luckily a mate of mine Dean, owned a local pub, and he wrote me a list of what I needed. We sourced a company that supplied portable bar sections and set off the next morning to collect them. I took my staff down to Dean’s pub to treat them to a night out, on the condition that Dean let them pull their own pints. And we managed to hire a kid that had worked in a cocktail bar, so we had at least one member of staff who had some idea of what he was doing.

Our New Bar

On the day everything went off perfectly. Well almost, I had ran water through the Jagermeister dispenser to clean it, and hadn’t gotten all of it out, with the result that it froze solid and wouldn’t dispense. But apart from that it was a fabulous night. Especially when Sabine Schmitz on a segway managed to run Martin Brundle over lol, what a booze monster she was. By the nights end she was demanding we just pour whatever shots were left into a glass and she would drink that.

After that one I think we can safely borrow the S.A.S. motto of “Who Dares Wins”.

Since then we have successfully acquired various bits of kit at short notice, crepe machines, Dutch Poffertjes and with a couple hours practice managed to provide a professional service, looking like we had done it all of our lives.

Corporate clients want the impossible, we are happy to oblige.

Event Planning, Fun Story

This Time It Wasn’t Us, Tales Of Misadventures

17 July 2020

Over the years we have had our fair share of tales of woe. Thankfully I am happy to say that we never upset the client as we always managed to either put them right, or hide our involvement

This tale is slightly different, in that the client most certainly wasn’t impressed, but thankfully this time it wasn’t us, we were innocent bystanders.

On The Job

Ian, one of our event team. Had been sent on a little job in London, which we had been contracted for by another events company. We work closely with many of the major events companies out there, and a great deal of the smaller ones.

This particular job was in a large office building, and we were only supplying a dessert cart. Anyway Ian had rang me to tell me there was a delay in getting into the loading bay. Not an issue for us as we would take about 10 minutes to set up.

The company we were working for had quite a bit of kit to set up, so they were getting a bit anxious over the time frame. Ian rang a short while later to tell me that they had been given permission to enter the load area. The other team had jumped into their van, reversed at high speed straight into a metal post. The upshot was that the back doors were so deformed, they couldn’t open them, and the vans side door was nonoperational so they couldn’t use that either.

Whilst Ian was making a few trips carrying our equipment in, he said they were in a panic and attacking the back doors with bars trying to force it open.

Oops, Some Mothers Do Ave Em

About 20 minutes later he rang again. Seems they had managed to open the back doors. One of them had gathered up a collection of metal poles which were part of a sidestall and gone charging up a wide staircase and straight through a huge plate glass door. Ian said there was glass everywhere! Oops, not a good start for them.

About twenty minutes later Ian phoned yet again. Seems they had set the first of these stalls up. And the guy who had gone through the glass door was stood admiring his stall erecting skills. When unfortunately the top pole, which he hadn’t secured properly. Fell down, hitting him on the head and rendering him unconscious. Ian said that this time there was blood everywhere. I think he would have done Frank Spencer proud.

They had to call a first aider, who in turn called the buildings health and safety, who in turn told them to remove their equipment and leave. Ian explained that although we were contracted by them, we weren’t actually part of the same firm. So they allowed us to stay and operate and we did get paid. A tale of woe, but like a say, not ours this time.

Event Planning, Fun Story, funfair events, Funfair Rides

Myth Busters On The Funfair

10 July 2020

Myth Busters on the funfair. Growing up in a funfair community, before making the move into full time corporate entertainment. I came across over the years some stunning examples of ignorance concerning our industry.

I will attempt to expel some of the most common, and in same cases hilarious examples I have personally been witness to.

Be Careful They Don’t Steal Your Kids

I think this is a holdover from people thinking we are gypsy’s. As I have heard the same comments directed at them. As far as I can find out from a medical point of view, people brought up on the fairground, have the same levels of fertility as the wider community. So why an earth does any rational person think we need to steal kids. The community also being extremely tight knit, wasn’t really very accepting of outsiders. So anyone magically acquiring a kid they had purloined from the outside world would find it very quickly ostracised.

As an aside, there have been occasional cases in the news where people have abducted children from hospitals etc, and been caught. To the best of my knowledge, none of these people have ever had a connection with our industry. So perhaps we have more to fear for our kids being stolen than the other way around.

All The Men On The Fairground Have Tattoos

Hmm, looking at the popular media portrayal of the fairground worker you would think so. Only we don’t, tattoos are considered about on par with halitosis or scabies, you don’t want them. The actual fairground owners just don’t have tattoos. Dave, who you met on the waltzers will almost certainly have them. But here’s the thing, Dave is a local lad that has been employed to help on the rides. He is one of you, not one of us.

The Lads On The Fair Will Steal Your Girlfriend

This is one that I have to hold my hands up and admit has more than a grain of truth. To some teenage girls the bright lights and big rides seem exotic. And there are many cases of hook ups between said young ladies and guys on the fair. It was usually followed the next day by punch ups between irate boyfriends and guys on the fair.

When The Fair Is In Town Crime Goes Up

This is a persistent one that we could never seem to shake off. Some towns we visited would see many of the shops close the week we were there. It’s a stark contrast to the continent, where the fairs and the local chamber of commerce and shops all work together. Indeed on many Dutch Fairgrounds, the shops will sponsor prizes for the best ride or attraction.

I once asked a local superintendent about this, and what he told me was that in his experience the opposite was true. He said that most of the toerag thieves and druggies tended to visit the fair, rather than be out on the rob, so he claimed a reduction in things like housebreaking.

We Know He Was Off The Fairground Because He Wasn’t Wearing Socks Or Shoes

This was an actual quote made to me by a police officer. We had all arrived to set up in Preston Park for an annual event. A squad car turned up with a couple of young officers in. The officer in charge started enquiring if any of us were missing a member of staff. He explained that a body had been found on the motorway about 20 miles away. When I asked why they thought a random body was anything to do with us, that was his reply. “He wasn’t wearing socks or shoes.” Funny thing, I looked down and all of us had socks and shoes on. Well at least we had shoes, without going round pulling trousers legs up I couldn’t swear to the socks. Obviously the officer in question had failed the intelligence test to become a Unigate milkman and joined the police force instead.

We Have A Large Suspect Pool, It Consists Of Everyone Who Was Working At The Fair

We have endured similar over the years. I once received a message from the police that they would like to interview me. It is only routine they said, but they were interviewing everyone who had attended Stokesly Show Fair due to a young lady being sexually assaulted. I told the female detective that she couldn’t see me that day as I was just leaving to an event in Ripon city centre. “No, probs, I did my probation at Ripon nick, could you pop in and see me, only take a minute.”

I duly popped in, and as I sat down in front of her she told me that I was free to go. Turned out they weren’t actually interviewing people, they had a description and if you fitted it they would arrest you. Just out of interest I enquired as to how they intended to track everyone who had attended the fair to see if they fit the description. “Oh we don’t, we are only interviewing people off the actual fair!”

So there might well have been 100,000 people visit the event. But the suspects were strictly limited to the couple of hundred showmen. Who would actually have been hard at work during the time of the fair. Sometimes in compiling these myth busters I truly despair as to the levels of prejudice.

Harrogate

A similar thing occurred a few years later at the Harrogate stray funfair. It seems that someone had been knocked off of their bike and killed on a country road leading to harrogate. Because that particular week the fair was in town, it was decided by the local Stasi, erm sorry constabulary, that it must be a funfair vehicle that had hit him. I mean, there was at least 20 funfair vehicles used that road on that day compared to only a few thousand non funfair vehicles, so its obvious isn’t it.

Anyway said local force turned up armed with paint scrapers to scrape paint samples from all the vehicles on the fair. I must admit this still annoys me all these years later as I had just had my vehicle resprayed, some two weeks before. Again I asked if the paint vandalism was being carried out on all the local hauliers vehicles. Silly question that I knew the answer to before it was asked.

They Don’t Pay Taxes

Another common misconception that we can use in our myth busters. Oh, if only. If I didn’t pay taxes I would be able to afford that 4 seat Cessna airplane I fancy. Or a nice motor cruiser. Obviously there will be some who don’t declare everything to HMRC. But the proportion will be no different to the wider world who aren’t showmen. I don’t for one minute think there are enough funfair operators fiddling their books to keep all those tax inspectors in employment.

Myth Busters They Just Turn Up And Set Up

In January I used to be able to tell you almost every fair I would be attending that season. There would be an occasional gala I might pick up at the last minute. Or occasionally the weather would cancel a fair and I would manage to secure a plot at an alternative. But by and large the events I attended were regular events. That had in some cases been going on for hundreds of years. Even the smaller events would still need permission from landowners, liaison with the police and other local emergency services, sometimes road closure orders, and all would need the layout and mixture of rides and attractions sorting out well in advance. We also needed to advertise the event in advance to ensure we had enough patrons to make it worthwhile.

I cannot remember in 50 years, once ever just turning up and deciding a plot of land would be nice for an immediate funfair to be opened.

Hopefully we can add some more myth busters to our list in the future.