Spreepark is a derelict amusement park located on the outskirts of Berlin, abandoned and eerie. It has been abandoned for over 10 years. Throughout the park you can find remains of children’s rides and game stalls as well as life size dinosaur statues. The park was originally created and set in 1969 and was called Veb Kulturpark Planterwald. Set up by the Communist government in East Berlin. The park thrived throughout the communist era until the fall of the Berlin wall 20 years later.
In 1991 Norbet Witte took over the park and renamed it ‘Spreepark’. Making many changes he transformed the amusement park, adding grass and water landscapes and bringing a line of new modern rides from the Mirapolis amusement park in Paris. Mr Witte changed the park numerous times and even added an English village. However it later came out that Norbet Witte was a controversial park manager and was involved in illegal activities such as smuggling cocaine, which he achieved by hiding it in parts of ride equipment that he shipped between Peru, Germany and Belgium. Due to this information surfacing the park was closed down in 2002.
2002
From 2002 the park remained shut down, with erosion and nature soaring throughout the park. Causing destructive damage and in 2014 a fire started by arson destroyed much of the equipment in the park. Due to this the government increased security on the site with new fences around the perimeter. Miraculously in 2016 a company put forward a plan to take over the park. To transform it into a location for arts and culture. The company Grun Berlin GmbH was owned by the city of Berlin. They forwarded the proposed plans in late 2018 and are considered to be implemented over several years.
As of last year many of the attractions was removed. However some of the main features such as the large Ferris wheel and rollercoaster remain. Along with the restaurant from the very first year of the park being open, and a water ride, carousel and cinema from the takeover period.
The park was the only of its kind in the communist era. Covering around 74 acres it welcomed around half a million visitors per year at its peak popularity. The Ferris wheel (photographed above) was the parks most popular feature. Being upgraded in 1989 to celebrate the 40th anniversary. Adding more cabins to the ride and increasing the height of the structure .
Originally we were traditional funfair operators. We then started to make the move into organising funfair events. Eventually we reached the point where we decided to specialise purely in corporate and private events. The sort where we don’t charge the guests, the person booking us pays a fixed rate.
But in between the two extremes, we had a period, where we were taking on paid work and traditional festivals, fetes, galas, in fact we would try anything.
Over time we found that only a small percentage of events ended up financially viable, but it was a steep learning curve. Two events in particular stand out from this period.
Peterborough Showground
We were contacted by a gentleman who was putting together a huge event (his words) at Peterborough Showground. This was to raise money for charity, he was expecting in excess of 50,000 people to attend, and the night would be highlighted by a set played by One Direction, fresh from winning whatever reality show they had won.
Arthur and I travelled to meet him. He had the spiel, and he ticked the boxes showing us the contract already signed for One Direction, so it looked pretty good. In hindsight, (that most wonderfully useless of skills) we should have been a teeny bit suspicious of his qualifications to run an event of this scale, when we had to help him jump start his 30 year old clapped out Fiat Panda, because it wouldn’t start. But hey, he might have been one of those eccentric promoters. We have in fairness dealt with multi millionaires before, who looked like a close relation to Greengrass of Heartbeat fame.
We sorted a deal out, and agreed to organise a funfair event on a grand scale, thrill rides, family rides, games stalls, catering, the kitchen sink and all.
The Big Day
I was at another event on the big day. So Arthur, my part time partner in crime was going to be in charge. We had attracted a number of other operators with our enthusiastic selling of the event, so we did have a big selection of equipment set up.
On the morning I received two phone calls. The first was from a mate Graham. He wanted to thank me for letting him attend the festival. As he had this theory you see, that the more portable toilets at an event, the bigger the crowd was going to be. He told me that the toilets were lined up as far as the eye could see, he was already planning his retirement to a Caribbean island based on what he was going to earn.
The Second Call
The second call came from Arthur and was rather more panicked. When I had calmed him down enough to talk rationally he came out with a classic line. “Do you know how many tickets he has sold for this event?”
In fairness I had no idea, I was hoping for something like 40,000 but I thought that really anything over 20,000 would be a major event.
“427”, was Arthur’s now icily calm statement.
“Shit, 427 thousand, the venue won’t take that many people, health and safety will shut us down.” Now I was starting to panic.
“No”, said Arthur, “Not 427 FU***NG thousand, FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY SEVEN, as in three digits, as in we are in trouble. He thinks that lots of people will just turn up on the day and pay at the gate”
Well, at least I wasn’t there, so Arthur would have to deal with everyone. Graham didn’t talk to me for quite a while after that. I think they ended up with an attendance of about 800.
The moral of the story is never trust a guy in a broken down Fiat Panda.
This Is How Peterborough Felt
Ripon Racecourse
The second, followed a similar pattern. A guy called Simon was putting an event on at Ripon racecourse. Rennie, another part time collaborator, and I went to meet him. He laid out the plans, the army was coming, the navy, airforce, a massive classic car show, giant car boot. Not as impressive as Peterborough, but a nice sized localish event. We agreed terms and shook hands.
Now the night before we were due to set up, I attended an event in Glossop with a couple of children’s rides. One of them which was trailer mounted, had a wheel bearing collapse, and being a Saturday afternoon in a small town, I couldn’t source a replacement.
After the event, the AA refused to recover the trailer and instead got me a quote of £700 to take it the 40 miles back home. Bugger that, I ended up adjusting the towbar to take the weight off the back of the ride, and came home on three wheels. The last leg coming through the centre of Barnsley, I passed more bloody Police cars than I have ever seen, but thankfully whatever was going off kept them too preoccupied to notice my DIY three wheeler.
I arrive At Ripon
Because of the hassles at Glossop, I ended up getting home in the early hours of the morning. Because both Arthur and Rennie were going to be at Ripon, I decided to let them sort the layout of the event out and I would turn up later to set my equipment up.
By the time I arrived at Ripon, it was raining lightly. I rounded the corner and pulled into a field, containing a fair bit of funfair equipment and nothing else. No Army, Navy or Air Force, no car show or giant car boot. WTF
As I jumped out of my lorry, that nutcase Simon ran up, with no shirt on singing ‘Three wheels on my wagon’. I looked at Arthur who smiled, he felt he still owed me for Peterborough. “You’ll have to explain to everyone why there is nothing here and no bloody people this time.” says he.
Oh Lord, “Where is everything Simon, I enquired politely though gritted teeth.”
“Not sure he beamed, thought it would be here by now, but don’t worry.”
“why don’t worry what have you got up your sleeve?” I hopefully asked.
“Well nothing really, but it’s great to be alive. God loves us”, he was still beaming.
It was at that point I decided to move him nearer to God. Thankfully, for him, Rennie and Arthur grabbed an arm each and kept me rooted to the spot, Simon, oblivious to his rapidly shortening life expectancy trotted off to his refrain of singing in the rain.
Killer Swans
When I had calmed down enough for them to let me loose. I looked at them and asked what we were going to do. “Your in charge” said Arthur, “Up to you this time”. He had a matching grin to Simons.
Just at that precise moment, karma decided to intervene. Ripon has a population of swans in its lake. Now most of them stayed away from us all in the lake. But one swan, a bit more adventurous than the rest had decided to come check us out. We were stood there, a bit like the three stooges, when the said swan decided to attack. Well, to be more precise, he left Rennie and I alone, and set about Arthur.
Ha, he wasn’t laughing now, and I hadn’t realised just how big and aggressive swans could be. Arthur ended up running away. But for the rest of the day, whenever he stopped in one place too long, the swan would swoop in and attack. Funny, it never bothered anyone else, well except for the young lady who had just bought a chocolate bun from the coffee stall, she had unwrapped it and was staring at it longingly, when a head on a long white neck, came from over her shoulder and snatched it.
Arthur’s Mate
At Ripon we had only taken smaller attractions, so we just about covered our expenses.
We had a far more serious problem at another event Called The Great Yorkshire Carnival, but I am saving that for a future post.
If you would like to hire dodgems, games or any other attractions we can do that.
As any responsible operator, we pay great attention to health and safety requirements. With regular testing required for funfair attractions and daily inspections whenever they are operated, our industry has one of the best safety records in the country. We also throw in additional testing beyond what is required by the H&SE.
Many people regard the HSE as an extension of the nanny state, a sort of legitimised semi Gestapo type organisation tasked with interfering. Having seen the shortcuts some of the cowboys take. I don’t think you can argue against needing a formalised organisation to make sure the rules are applied.
Unfortunately, like many times in life, the inspectors demonstrate that no matter how highly educated or trained they are, some of them are what can charitably be described as idiots.
Newcastle Hoppings
In the days when we still used to operate at public events. We used to attend the ‘Hoppings’, Europe’s largest travelling funfair at Newcastle Upon Tyne. We were there one year and I was controlling a flying chairs ride. You know the type, the kids sit in a suspended chair, and as the ride rotates, the chairs fly out.
Now, the safety guidelines required a lap belt. Which is what we had, but I was always worried that smaller kids could slip under this belt. So we fitted additional straps that came between their legs and attached to the lap belt to make a 3 point harness. This wasn’t a legal requirement, it was an extra we added.
Now, we only used this extra strap on smaller kids, as obviously it took extra time to fit when you were busy. One day a strap had worked loose. So I removed it, and only used that seat for bigger kids. We had 20 in all so this wasn’t hard to arrange.
An Inspector Calls
Anyway an inspector from HSE, pulled me to one side and told me she wasn’t happy with that strap missing. I explained to her that it was an extra, and that if she looked most kids weren’t using them. And I would only put large kids on etc etc etc, well you get the idea.
Her rather snotty reply was that she would shut the ride down if it was not reattached, as if they were fitted then all of the seats should have them. I thought for a moment and then asked, “If I remove the other 19 so none of them have them would that be OK?”
“Yes” was the reply. Hmmn so rather than have 19 seats with additional safety, she was now telling me she preferred none of them to have it. In the end I went and found a screwdriver and reattached it.
Flying Chairs Ride For Hire
An Inspector Calls Again
Not 2 days later the same bloody woman was back. Now, there is a large book full of guidance for funfair ride design. One of the recommendations (note the word recommended), is that rides have a maximum of 3 entrances. On our chairs ride, we had 4 small gates, 2 to allow entry, 2 to allow exit. When not in use they were closed, so technically we only had 2 open at any time.
This genius came up and kicked off about there being 4. For some reason her grasp of the English language wasn’t good enough for her to understand that 3 was recommended, but not a legal requirement. I found that trying to reason with this idiot wasn’t working. In a fit of temper I grasped a large section of the safety rail surrounding the ride. Then threw it up the fair. Technically this left me with 2 small gates, and a large 20ft gap in the fence.
“1,2,3” I counted, “3 entrances, does that satisfy you?”
“Yes” was the FU***NG idiots reply. SO instead of 4 safe controlled gates, we now had a gap a whole herd of kids could run through into a fast moving ride.
After bringing my blood pressure under control, I calmly retrieved my section of fence, refitted it. Told the woman to go forth and multiply, and either fetch the Police to me. Or someone from her organisation who was in charge of the communal brain cells that day.
PC Plod
To give her, her due, she did what I asked and fetched the Police. I explained all that had transpired. To give him his due, he told her to go forth and multiply as well.
Not The Actual Officer But You Get The Idea
The moral of the story is, give someone a smattering of power and they will look very hard for reasons to abuse it. Power corrupts, and absolute power is even more fun. They are indeed what a friend of mine refers to as educated idiots, in that they possess a degree or two, but no actual sense.
When I was learning to fly, there was another student I saw regularly called . A young girl mid way through her course. Occasionally she would turn up for a quick coffee in the pilots lounge with her young son in tow. He would do what most kids did, stick his earphones in and play on a game system.
Talking to her she eventually told me that her son was autistic. She said that up to the age of about 5 he had never spoke a word and she was resigned to him not speaking. Then one day, she said, I was really struggling, and I looked up to the sky and shouted please god help me. She said my son looked at me and said god can’t help you mummy he’s dead!
What a shock, turns out he had a full vocabulary and had just chose not to talk. Truth be told he seems a pretty normal kid, if you ask him something he will answer you, he doesn’t seem particularly like he wants to engage with you, but then I don’t think that’s much different to most kids that age.
I do know that there are different levels of autism and some kids function much higher than others. I think the problem is that the film Rainman, skewed the way a lot view the condition. Everyone expects them to have some savant level of genius. We used to do a job in a little shopping arcade in London, one of the shops was an art gallery for a guy called Stephen Wiltshire. It seems he can spend a few minutes looking at a scene, then draw it perfectly from memory.
One Of His Drawings From Memory, The Details Is Incredible
Less Able Bodied Access On The Fairground
It got me thinking as to what issues people with some conditions faced on the modern fairground. I know various disability acts of law have meant that buildings and public places have been adapted to help. But I don’t think much has been done on in the funfair industry.
Truth be told, I don’t think is is financially viable to have say a thrill ride adapted for wheelchair users. Perhaps some of the giant wheels would be credible. They tend to have sloping decks rather than steps, and the cars on many are probably large enough to allow a wheelchair in.
But most of the modern high speed rides are built in such a way that it just wouldn’t be possible to squeeze a chair inside the carriage. To make physical changes to a ride, it would then need to be subject to a ‘Design review’, a complex and costly process to ensure the ride is safe in its new form.
Like many showmen I have helped transfer guests from their wheelchair onto a ride and back. Any operator would be more than happy to do that. I know it isn’t ideal for the customer, and I should imagine it can even be degrading, but I am afraid that its probably the way it will stay.
Special Nights
Many regular funfairs, both large and small, will hold a special night for people less able. Sometimes its advertised and its a sort of free for all, other times the operator in charge will actually contact local organisations and make it a more formalised arrangement.
I do remember one event, where a large group of guests turned up who didn’t have physical disabilities. I am not sure of their actual condition, but they were all really big guys. They spotted a little ride, meant for probably 5-10 year olds and for some reason really liked it. The trouble was as 20 large guys all plonked themselves down heavily in the seats at the precise same time, the poor little ride just folded up on itself. To be fair, it was a ride called the Buzz Bomb, usually these were built almost as a diy ride, just after the war. They used the external drop tanks off of Spitfires, which had the tops sliced off and seats installed. I don’t know if it ever actually made it back into use or it was scrapped.
Buzz Bomb Cars
Autistic Sessions
A number of events now are holding special sessions for autistic kids. They turn the music off on the rides, turn the lighting down, and reduce the speed so that they are not overloaded with sensations. They also keep a special chill out area available so there is somewhere to calm down if needed.
Obviously this is something that any fairground can make happen. It doesn’t require physical changes to the rides and can be organised easily and quickly.
Helping The Deprived
In addition to the less able bodied, fairgrounds will quite often distribute free tickets to the less fortunate. Those in care homes or schools in deprived areas.
It does bring to mind one incident though. We were at a fair in Wallsend, in the North East. A social worker brought a young lad down for a night at the fair. Now, this kid had been nicknamed in the press ‘Rat Boy’. There is a large dystopian structure called the Byker Wall. Its like a giant wall, but with flats built into it. It seems this kid had actually lived in the ventilation system. When a flat was empty he would climb through the ducts and rob it. The police had been after him for months and caught him the night before.
Anyway, this social worker put him on the dodgems ride. He promptly drove the full length of the dodgems. Stopped the car at the other end, jumped out and ran away up a bank.
Took the police another 6 months to recapture him. Reading a report, it seems they now call him Rat Man, as he is still on the rob.
The Byker WallRat Boy
If you would like to hire dodgems or other funfair attractions for special needs use, talk to us and we would love to help provide a package tailored to your requirements especially for the less able.
And once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skyward; for there you have been, and there you would return.
A quote attributed to the great Leonardo Da Vinci about the joys of flight.
Whats that got to do with an events and catering company. Well nothing really. But thanks to Covid-19 rampaging around the world, the events industry has pretty much ceased to exist at the minute.
Which means there isn’t a steady stream of our misadventures and event related stories to write about. So, during the interminable lull in work, we decided to relate some of our personal stories instead.
A couple of Christmas’s ago, my significant other decided to treat me to a flying lesson as a Christmas gift. This, in her words turned out to be the worst 80 quid she ever spent, seeing as it ended up costing her bleeding thousands. Lol.
I enjoyed the lesson, but it wasn’t a case of wow, I need to fly. I actually fancied the technical challenge.
Now I admit, that the day I flew my first solo circuit, that changed to a feeling of wow, I love this. The day I made my first navex solo, (navigation exercise, basically flying away from my home airfield to another place and finding my way back), I really began to love it.
Not The Cheapest Hobby
As you can imagine it isn’t a cheap hobby. Lessons at the time were about £120 an hour. For your licence you needed to amass a minimum of 45 hours, 10 of which had to be solo.
In the event, I took I think 49, but that included a couple of night flying lessons which were an extra.
On top of the lesson costs, there is obviously some equipment that is needed, such as charts, a flight computer, ideally your own headset etc. In common with many other hobbies, you end up buying things which aren’t really necessary, but make flying easier or more enjoyable.
With the enforced down time I have had, a burst appendix grounded me for 6 weeks, just in time for the virus to hit and ground me till sod knows when. I decided to have a look at just what is in my flight back.
DeLaurentis Bag
Flying for fun as a ppl holder (Private Pilots Licence), I don’t need to carry as much as a commercial pilot. So the lovely compact flight bag from Lightspeed was perfect for my needs. Although fairly small, it holds a surprising amount of kit.
Current Kit List
Currently it contains my flight log book from Aileron (a fabulous leather bound version my daughter bought me for Christmas). A selection of pens and a chinagraph (like a wax pencil that writes on anything). A fuel contamination testing kit, stall horn checker (saves a mouthful of flies cos the alternative is sucking the stall slot), my Lighspeed Zulu 3 headset, Bigatmo pilots sunglasses, aircraft safety checklist, navigation charts, Pooleys flight computer with protractor and ruler marked in nautical miles, handheld aviation radio (a backup in case both onboard comms ever fail), Smith and Wesson tactical flashlight with red light option for night flying, power pack for charging my ipad or pilot aware system, Garmin Virb camera to record flights, charging plug and leads for ipad, radio etc. And last but not least my trusty Leatherman multi tool, handy for emergency repairs.
There is also my kneeboard and Ipad flightpad which I use to run SkyDemon navigation software. Basically an aviation satnav, though much more sophisticated.
I also wear a Garmin Charlie D2 watch. Which contains a gps navigation system with a worldwide database of airports programmed in. Also providing a backup set of flight instruments, again adhering to my principles of having back ups of the backups.
Pilot-Watch
My final bit of kit is a Pilot Aware system. Basically this transmits the position of my aircraft, whilst also receiving the positions of other similarly equipped aircraft. These are then displayed on my SkyDemon system. This helps warn me of aircraft in my vicinity that could pose a collision risk.
On our travels, and whilst developing our own range of favourite flavours, we cam across some really wacky and weird ice cream flavours. Here are a few of the bing boggling, or stomach churning examples.
Viagra Ice Cream
Viagra Ice Cream
Evidently it caused a bit of controversy this one. The brainchild of a Welsh food inventor Charlie Harry Francis who created it for one of his A list celebrity clients. It is claimed that each scoop contains 25mg of viagra. Can’t see this one appearing on the shelves of Tesco.
Wasabi Ice Cream
Wasaabi Ice Cream
Wasabi, that ultra hot Japanese delicacy made from a Japanese horseradish. This can be blisteringly hot on the palate, and is a firm favourite of our MD. We haven’t actually tried this one, and wonder if the coolness of the ice cream offsets the heat of the wasabi.
White Chocolate Banana Curry
Curry Ice Cream
Take a nice white chocolate melted with banana’s and fragrant Indian curry powder. It brings to mind Indian take outs and summer nights.
Goat’s Cheese With Red Cherries Ice Cream
Goats Cheese
An American concoction this one. Creamy goats cheese melded with the tart taste of roasted cherries. This one supposedly tastes like a cherry cheesecake.
A strange blend this one, the world’s hottest chili pepper blended with a sweet peppermint ice cream. Definitely one for the spice lovers. As they say indulge at your own risk.
Squid Ink Ice Cream
Squid Ink Ice Cream
From the land of the rising sun, another way out weird option. Squid ink ice cream. Purportedly this has a fishy taste and a shocking black colour. It was originally a novelty flavour but has become more of a staple option.
Horse Meat Flavour Ice Cream
Horse Meat Ice Cream
Definitely not on the wish list this one, there is a reason that horse meat should be kept in dog food.
If you want something a little more traditional for your wedding or event rather than these weird ice cream flavours then check out our boutique ice cream hire carts.
A few year ago I started importing lights from a German company. They were based at a little village called Waakirchen in Southern Germany, not far from Munich.
The first order I picked up was for about 5K worth. So being the initial order I decided to drive down and collect them. The Munchen Oktoberfest was on at the time, so I decided to go for a few days and visit the event. A good mate of mine told me he would come with me so I booked a crossing from Hull, the plan being to drive the 1200 kilometers over the first day.
At the time I had a little clapped out Nissan Cherry. It was that bad when my dad bought it, that my mother wouldn’t ride in it. I loved it, it was like a little rally car, I ended up spreading it up the A1 just outside the Metro Centre in a 6 car pile up.
Nissan Cherry
A Pile Of Cash
Now a the time, being young, and skint, I didn’t have the money readily available to pay for these lights. So the deal with my customer was that he put the money in the bank before I left. As we were loading up the car to set off, he turned up in person, apologised for not loading my bank account for me, and gave me a bag with the cash in. I shoved it under the seat and we set off.
Arrival In Deutschland And Cool Fräuleins.
When we arrived in Munich, we had a bit of trouble finding an hotel. The fact that the cities biggest event was in full swing meaning hotel rooms were in short supply, hadn’t occurred to us. We eventually managed to find a doss house in a seedy part of the city. I admit when we got in the room and it was decorated with what would now be termed LGBT posters, and the leaflet on the bed had times for the live sex shows in the hotel we were a bit perturbed, but hey, two single lads we were out on the town.
We found a rather nice little bar, pretty much empty but we had just drove 1200 KM and needed a drink. The two barmaids were absolute stunners, tall blond Aryan goddesses. I had learnt some pidgeon German, you know how to order a beer, tell a girl she had beautiful eyes, that sort of thing.
So I hit them with the full charm, like focused laser beams, thought it would knock them bandy. Bloody nothing, not even a smile. FFS we were going to have our work cut out here. I know they were supposed to be cool and Teutonic and all, but this was icily arctic.
By now the bar had filled up, when I turned round and actually took notice, it was full of young men sat kissing each other. Aah, perhaps the barmaids lack of response was for a reason.
After a bit of a pub crawl we headed off to our hotel.
The Oktoberfest
At the time, it was widely considered that the continental fairground attractions were a few years ahead of the best the UK had to offer. When we hit the Oktoberfest, we realised they were a couple of decades in front. Everything was just, bigger, faster, moderner, better decorated.
Oktoberfest
We had a full day there, including sampling their beer served in those bloody Steins, jeez, its a wonder they are not a nation of alcoholics.
After we had our fill, of the Oktoberfest and the beer. We headed back to the hotel. I had parked our car out the front of it, and just as we set off to the festival, I had opened the boot to retrieve my coat. Setting off back I put my hand in my pocket and realised I no longer had the keys. I asked Matthew if I had given them to him, I hadn’t as it turns out, I had left them in the lock of the boot. A bloody car thieves Christmas present. With 5K of someone else’s money under the drivers seat.
Feeling sick as a parrot we got back in double time, to find the car still there, with a note under the windscreen wiper saying, “Found your keys, left them in the pub over the road!”, in English to boot. Imagine if that had been say Sunderland. There would have been a note on the empty parking space saying found your keys left your car in the river Wear thanks for the cash.
Adolf And The SS
We successfully collected the lights and stuff without further incident. As we weren’t in a hurry we had a more leisurely drive back towards Holland. Coming across a really small rest stop, we decided to have a quick drink. We parked up and went to the two ladies manning it. They were rather abrupt and told us that they didn’t in fact open for 20 minutes. An elderly gent sitting at a nearby table asked us if we wanted a drink. When we nodded he gestured for us to follow him. Being 17 and a bit naive we did so.
He took us to a house over the road and down into the basement. Which happened to be a fully kitted out bar, something that would put some commercial establishments to shame. He poured us all a beer. While Matthew was trying to make small talk with the guy, I wandered around the room. One wall was covered in photos and I was interested to see them. When I got close up, it turns out they were all framed pictures of Adolf Hitler with groups of SS men. The largest photo had Adolf stood with a young officer. I couldn’t be certain but it looked a little like the guy who had brought us down there.
Having recently seen the film Boys from Brazil, and in my teenage imagination expecting a guy with a dentists drill to pop out any minute. I hurried Matthew along, thanked our host and we lived to tell the tale.
Took All This Lot For A Holiday Did We Sir
When we reached dear old blighty, we disembarked the ferry and set off towards the immigration sheds. Now, if you have ever done this, you will know there are two lanes. Goods to declare, and nothing to declare. I promptly drove into the nothing to declare side.
An officer stopped me with a wave of his hand. “Are you aware sir, that this is the nothing to declare lane.” all very polite and congenial.
“I certainly am officer”, says I with my most respectful grin.
Now I should say at this point, that the pile of equipment we had purchased whilst in Germany filled the car to the roof. In fact the seats were pushed as far forward as they would go so we could fit everything in.
“So you have nothing to declare son, is that correct?” he retorted.
“Yup” says I. “Oh, so you have taken this lot for a holiday to the Oktoberfest have you, Bloody well pull over there and don’t move till I come see you”, well, his politeness didn’t last.
We sat there for the best part of an hour whilst everybody else disembarked. When he finally came to see us he had a more authoritarian attitude.
“Now son, would you like to explain why you don’t think you have anything to declare when your car is full to the gunnals?”
“Yes says I meekly, here is my receipt, as you can see I paid VAT in Germany for everything, and as their rate is higher than ours, I don’t need to pay you, sir”
Oh his face was a picture, he basically told us to piss off home.
With a scientific name translating as ‘Food Of The Gods’, having been eaten for centuries and a taste loved by most people, chocolate is actually a fascinating substance.
1 Its First Shipment Was Mistaken For Sheep Poo
We might well have enjoyed the delights of chocolate earlier in this country, if it wasn’t for a case of mistaken identity. A Spanish shipment of goods was seized off the coast in the 16th century. But when they opened the sacks of cocoa beans they were mistaken for sheep poo and destroyed.
2 Chocolate, Along With Coffee, Was Once Associated With Rebellion
King Charles felt threatened by the coffee and chocolate shops in 1660’s England. It had became a drink of the intellectuals and radicals, and he felt they would be meeting to plan subversion. Spain and France didn’t have this problem as there it was reserved as a drink for the privileged.
The insurance house Lloyd’s of London, actually started in a coffee shop.
Lloyd’s Of London Started In A Coffee Shop
3 Many Of Our Favourite Chocolate Bars Are 100 Years Old
Cadbury’s Flake, Fruit and Nut, and the crunchy bar date from the 1920’s. Mars Bar, Milky Way, KitKat, Maltesers, Aero and Smarties from the 1930’s. This was the golden era of chocolate creativity.
An interesting fact, is that the much loved Cadbury’s Cream egg, was actually a J.S. Fry’s product. It wasn’t branded Cadbury until much later.
Did You Know These Were Actually A J.S. Fry Confectionery.
4 Chocolate Consumption Dates Back 5000 Years
Archaeological evidence suggests that people from the Mayo-Chinchipe civilisation were ingestion cacao based products some 3000 years B.C. The Maya poeple were evidently consuming it as a drink between 250 and 850A.D. And it was very popular with the legendary Aztecs.
I suppose it was their version of quaffing champagne whilst on a day out at the races. A good cup of cocoa and a few human hearts being cut out.
Like A Day Out At The Races For The Aztecs
5 White Chocolate Was Actually A Children’s Medicine
In Switzerland in the 1930’s, doctors tried to improve the health of young patients by giving them vitamin enriched milk. But the older kids thought milk babyish. The addition of cocoa butter resulted in the accidental invention of white chocolate.
6 The Claim That Chocolate Is An Aphrodisiac Is False
Damn, I always liked this one.
The Aztecs may have been the first on record to draw a link between the cocoa bean and an increase in sexual desire. Montezuma was reputed to have consumed the bean in large amounts to fuel his romantic trysts.
There are actually two chemicals in chocolate that do have an effect on sexual desire, tryptophan and phenylethylamine. The first is a building block of serotonin that sexual arousal chemical. The second a stimulant released when people fall in love.
Sadly scientists reckon that the amount in chocolate is so low as to have no discernible impact.
Chocolate As An Aphrodisiac. Or Not As It Turns Out
7 The Largest Cup Of Hot Chocolate Ever Made Was 1059.4 Gallons
It was produced to celebrate Three Kings Day and was achieved by the Municipio de Uruapan (Mexico), in Uruapan, Michoacán, Mexico. It contained 600kg of locally grown chocolate.
I bet that had enough tryptophan in to gets things rising.
8 The Most Expensive Chocolate Dessert
The Frrrozen Haute Chocolate, which costs an eye watering £12,000, was added to the menu New Yorks Serendipity 3 restaurant. Made in partnership with a luxury jeweller, the sundae uses a fine blend of 28 cocoas. Including 14 of the world’s most expensive. It is then decorated with 5 g of edible 23-carat gold, served in a goblet lined with edible gold. The base of the goblet is an 18-carat gold bracelet with 1 carat of white diamonds.
The dessert is eaten with a gold and diamond spoon, which they graciously allow you to take home.
I should bloody well think they do at the price of a small car. I would want to be spoon fed it by Heidi Klum for that price.
Worlds Most Expensive Chocolate Dessert
9 Melts In The Mouth
Chocolate is the only edible substance to melt around 32°C , just below normal human body temperature. That’s the reason chocolate melts in your mouth.
The scientific name given to the tree that chocolate comes from is Theobroma cacao, means “food of the gods.”
Thesmell of chocolate supposedly increases theta brain waves, which triggers relaxation.
Chocolate has over 600 flavor compounds, while red wine has 200, it is actually quite a complex substance.
It takes approximately 400 beans to make a single pound of chocolate.
10 We Offer A Range Of Hot Chocolate Carts For Your Event
From our Victorian themed wedding carts, to a horse box for those outdoor events, you can have a range of themed offerings. All with our range of delicious drinking chocolate. Choose from everyone’s favourite Cadbury’s to the upmarket Charbonnel Et Walker.
All served with cream, marshmallows, sprinkles and a range of syrups to add extra flavour.
In the early days of being married, with a young child, like many couples money was tight. We were building the business, and not wanting to borrow money for non essentials, so holidays tended to be in the UK.
My wife however decided one day to book a coach trip to Disneyland Paris. We were spending all our working days on fairgrounds, so where do you want to go on holiday, a fairground obviously.
Bigger And Better
To be fair, it was bigger and better than anything I had encountered in the UK. Give the Americans their due, they have some nasty megalomaniacal habits, but they do entertainment ever so well.
Disneyland Entrance
The castle at the entrance sets the tone, you’re impressed before you even get in there. And it continues, the rides tend to be bigger and better. The thing that impressed me the most was how they were themed and integrated. It didn’t feel like a disparate collection of attractions thrown together, rather a fantasy land that had grown up, all part of the same organic creation.
The only minus points we personally gave it was when our daughter managed to get a splinter. The first aid ‘Lady’ was a typical Parisian, arrogant and rude, whilst looking like a fashion model.
Its funny though how people’s perceptions can be skewed. Not long after we had been another friend took his family. He hated it, all he kept saying was how overpriced everything was. That was a bit puzzling, as the food and drink wasn’t much more than most European tourist traps. Eventually we got to the bottom of it, they like to drink, a lot, a very lot. Where we had a pint and a glass of wine with our lunch, he had 6 pints, and his wife 6 double vodka and cokes. So where we barely noticed the price of booze, they were massively upset about it.
The Religion Of Football
Now, hailing from the little North East town of Middlesbrough, I have always supported the team. Not in the usually fanatical way of North Easterners in general, I mean I don’t go to the games or anything, but I always look their results up on a Saturday night.
Anyway, what my wife didn’t tell me when she booked this trip, was that the coach came from Sunderland, one of Middlesbrough’s main football rivals, and was basically full of a chapter of their supporters club.
My daughter being young and naive, and not realising the danger she was putting us in, managed to let everyone know we supported Boro.
Jeez, I was ribbed all the way there.
On the way back the driver decided to turn the BBC World Service on. Just moments before it switched to the football results. “And we are going to the Stadium of Light, where Sunderland have just scored against Middlesbrough” announced the bloody toffee nosed git on the radio.
Like one mass hive minded organism, the entire bus rose up and started chanting at me, “We have scored a goal, we have scored a goal.” the excitement was palpable.
A Bit Premature
It was also a bit premature.
“The score is now Sunderland 2, Middlesbrough 4.” Announced the reporter from the Stadium. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. They would either be good sports as those in the North East generally are. Or we were about to be ripped limb from limb.
As it was, the hive mind was still in evidence. The entire bus sat down together and looked out of the window. You could have heard a pin drop for most of the journey home.
When they dropped me off at home and the bus set off, I ran after it screaming “four two, four two”
Those at the back held up two fingers so they must have got part of the message.
Your Typical Sunderland Yob, Fan, I Mean Fan
In fairness I grew up in Sunderland, and it’s all part of a friendly rivalry between the Noth East teams.
