As the full effects of the ‘Rona’ started to become apparent, we pretty much decided to write 2020 off, and expect to lose a god chunk of 2021. August surprised us when out of nowhere we suddenly picked up a number of bookings, about 12 in total. Well down on the usual 60 or so w would do that month, but still a nice surprise.
Sadly we were excited for all of a week, by which time we started losing events, ending up back down to 5, as they were steadily cancelled. Oh well, thats 5 more than we had expected.
One event which did actually take place was a closing down party for Superflora. Part of a giant Dutch conglomerate, the factory at Holbeach in Lincolnshire was closing and production being moved to Hull. Quite possibly to take advantage of the Hull-Rotterdam ferry services, seeing as the business brought flowers from Holland to be repackaged for sale in garages, supermarkets etc.
Catering Lines
A line of catering carts
They were very keen to have a selection of catering options, so after a bit of discussion we settled upon mini doughnuts, French fries, candy floss and popcorn, churros and frankfurters. Catering for 200 to allow plenty of spare if necessary.
Personalisation
Branded Doughnut Flags
Playing around with our branding tools we supplied personalised napkins, little flags in the doughnuts and branded each cart front up.
More Branding
Thrill Rides
They also wanted some traditional funfair rides, so we supplied a nice dodgem track and twister thrill ride.
Twister RideDodgems
Covid Secure
Like all events at the moment we took great care with our covid precautions. The catering units all had full length sneeze guards. Our staff treated the surfaces and touch points with Zoono 30 day anti microbial. Hand sanitisation stations were provided at each attraction.
Our Boris Said, Social Distancing Jackets
The event went off without a hitch. Becoming however rather poignant. Many of the staff breaking in down in tears as it drew to a close, some of them had been there 15 years. Their friendship circles and daily lives being built around it. It’s also not the best time to be looking for a new job, with the virus and all.
One of our most popular attractions at events is our range of compact sidestall hire. With a range of Victorian games from the iconic traditional hook a duck and coconut shie. To modern treats such as mini basketball and knock the cans off the shelf. All of our games can be custom branded, as the examples here show on a recent job for Amazon.
Possibly the simplest game ever. Catch a duck to win. If you need to make it harder then we can mark some of the ducks as winners to reduce the odds. This is ideal for the kids but tends to be a bit simple for most adults.
This one adds a bit of skill into the mix, on the surface its quite simple, throw a ball into the bucket. However the catch is, the ball needs to stop in, harder than it sounds.
Another of the olde tyme favourites, knock a coconut off with a wooden ball. On some traditional fairgrounds the coconuts would be made out of either wood or metal painted to look like wood. Ours are actual coconuts so you have a chance of winning.
This one is a little different to the others. More of a traditional village game, it is oh so simple to play, but fiendishly difficult to win. The operator drops a toy rat down the drainpipe, as it shoots out of one pipe into the other you need to whack it with the bat. Thing is rats don’t really like being whacked. So as a result they move fast, like a, well, like a rat down a drainpipe. So you need to move like Jason Bourne to actually hit one.
Cans Off The Shelf
Tin Can Alley
One of our harder games. Easy in concept, you just knock the cans off the shelf. But due to the weight of the cans, and the lightness of the balls, you need to really wind up and throw.
Ball In A Milk Churn
Amazon Branded Ball In A Milk Churn
These fall in the mid range for difficulty. You just need to throw one of the baseballs into the top of the churn. We can adjust the throwing distance to make it easier or harder.
Covid Secure
Sanitisation Station
In line with the current situation we are all dealing with, all of our stalls come with hand sanitisation stations attached, allowing the players to ensure they remain safe from the virus. Additionally all of the surfaces on the stalls are treated with Zoono, 30 day anti microbial treatment, which actively destroys the virus on contact. This is to ensure that sidestall hire is offered safely for your event.
Like most of the rest of the events industry, our previously full order book for 2020 disappeared literally overnight due to the pesky little microbe doing the rounds. Like all of our compatriots in the industry we sat and wondered if we would ever work again, and if so when. So when we suddenly started picking up bookings for August it was both a godsend and a worry.
A godsend obviously as we would be earning again. A worry about how things were going to be under the ‘new normal’ as it is being called. The first of the jobs to arrive was for a previously regular client, Amazon. Usually through the year we do a mixture of work ranging from handing out catering goodies during Prime and peak periods, to providing a full fairground for their summer barbeque.
The first job was giving popcorn out at one of the Northern fulfillment centres. We had done the same thing a number of times over the years at the same centre so usually this would be a nice easy repeat job. However after talking with the client and doing our own research we put together a package of anti Covid-19 measures.
Catering Carts
Covid-19 Screening
The first change was to install clear polycarbonate screening on the carts we use to separate our staff from the guests. Although we could still interact with them to a degree, it did feel weird and somehow strangely disconnecting. Usually we engage in a bit of banter and joking, but this felt more ‘institutionalised.’
Zoono Anti Microbial
Zoono 30 day surface treatment
After researching most of the sanitisation options, we settled on Zoono. Not a cheap option, this bonds a film to the surface of whatever you spray it on that lasts for upto 30 days. The product actively kills virus molecules after application, rather than just during the cleaning process. For complete safety our standard operating procedure is to apply it at the start of each job. We also use their hand sanitiser, which creates a similar barrier on your hands, this time lasting for 24 hours.
Boris Says, Hands – Face – Space
Sanitisation Stations
The carts have a hand sanitiser mounted for the guests to use. We also built a number of portable units that can attach to hand rails, counters, carts, rides etc. This means that even when we are using sub contractors we can ensure that all the attractions we supply come with approved sanitisation facilities for the guests and staff.
Personal Protective Equipment
To round off our anti Covid activities, we supply all of our staff with full face shields to help protect them and the guests from each other. These are far more comfortable to wear for extended periods of working than the little face masks that we tried. Well and truly back in the saddle
Working For Queen Victoria. A lot of people think that corporate entertainment is a relatively new industry. The thinking seems to be that the big corporations are relatively young and so it follows that offering them entertainment services must be equally new.
Looking back through our records, one of our earliest private jobs, was provided entertainment to Queen Victoria at Windsor castle. Not me personally I hasten to add. But a couple of generations back in the family. The Millers had a sort of a cross between a circus performance and a variety show. What exactly Queen Vic thought of them isn’t on record anywhere. Hopefully they didn’t get the “We are not amused”, the Victorian era equivalent of no X’s on Britain’s Got Talent.
Corporate Branding
I also came across a picture dating from about 1926, of one of our vehicles that had been branded up for Thorne’s Toffees. I believe it was Henry Thorne & Co. Limited of Leeds, England. The bit of history I could find was;
“From humble beginnings in a mustard and chicory shop in the 1830s, Henry Thorne’s business grew into a leading name in confectionery. Them having similar Quaker roots to Cadbury, Terry and Fry; by the time the 1960s rolled around, the Thorne business was producing over two million pieces of confectionery a day.
This lasted until 1971 the business closed with the factory being demolished. Thornes, and their distinctive slogan The World’s Premier Toffee, had their factory in the middle of Leeds. Next to the old bus station – now wasteland being used as a car park.”
Early Branding For Thornes ToffeesA Selection Of Thorn’s Toffees, Along With Spot The Dog
To be fair, most of these aren’t actual scams. A lot of them rely on people not actually reading the instructions. When I learnt to fly I had 9 written exams to take, and as I walked into the room for the first one, my instructor said “RTFQ”. Now I was once told that becoming a pilot, was learning lots of acronyms and learning how to manage a hangover. I had learnt the acronyms by that point but RTFQ was a new one. Turned out to be ‘Read The Fu***NG Questions’! Seems a lot of students rushed the exam and lost points simply for not understanding the paper. And I still have trouble with hangovers. So read on to learn about some of the common scams on funfair games.
Shooting Gallery
This is more of a misconception than a scam. Anyone that shoots regularly, would spend time setting up the gun to suit both his requirements and the range they were shooting at. Guns on the gallery tend to be left set up the way they came out of the box.
A lot think that the sights are off or the barrel bent. Hmm, a bent barrel doesn’t fire round corners, it tends not to fire at all as the pellet gets stuck. As to the sights being set off, some operators do that. Thing is anyone who knows how to shoot would simply fire the first shot, see which way the pellet was off, and adjust their aim accordingly. Anyone who doesn’t know how to shoot will miss, regardless of where the sights are set to.
corner gun
Hoopla
You know this game, you have to throw the ring over a wooden block with a prize on, if the ring goes completely over the block and lays flat on the table you win the prize.
Now, the first problem here, is that people don’t read the instructions, they think all you need to do is get the ring over the prize. Something Stevie Wonder could probably manage. They are seldom happy once you explain why they can’t have that expensive computer game they have just told their kid they won.
Another oft heard complaint, is “The rings don’t fit over the block.” Very quickly disproved as the game operator will demonstrate they do fit.
Where the scam comes into it, if that is the right word. Is that the blocks containing the lower value prizes, perhaps a box of chocolates or small teddy. Are actually slightly smaller than the ones with the big ticket items. You can actually win on any of them, but are far more likely to be successful on the cheap stuff.
One tip is to spin the ring as you throw it, if it catches the prize right it will tend to keep spinning and work its way down and around the block.
Darts
The darts used tend to be cheap, disposable type darts, with the tips blunted. To get them to stick in the board you will need to use more force than normal and that will affect you accuracy, though most of the professional operators will actually let you use your own darts, to stave off any claims of impropriety.
A common game is bust the balloon. A board full of balloons and all you need to do is bust one with a dart, easy peasy right. Sadly harder than you think. The darts are slightly blunt, and the balloons being only partially inflated have enough give to shrug off most darts hitting them.
Bust A Balloon Game
Pick A Ticket
In earlier years, this tended to consist of a guy (or girl) holding a basket full of sealed tickets or spinning a tombola. You paid your money, picked your tickets out, opened them, and usually found you had a fist full of losers.
Trouble is, no one would put the winning tickets in a basket. It was just too random. Sods law would dictate that when the fair was full and you wanted someone to win, no one ever did. Just as the fair was closing for the night and was pretty much deserted, someone would have a last go and win the star prize.
Eventually the Dutch system was imported. This consisted of tickets with various numbers on. To win your numbers had to add up to 21. You could play multiple times and keep your tickets to make the magic number. Thing is, you needed an odd number to win, and these were in short supply.
However, in this game, the ‘dealer’ has packets of tickets pre prepared. He knows which packets have winning tickets in so can control when someone wins. You tend to find winners come thick and fast just as a crowd is beginning to form. Once there is a large crowd playing the game then winners come out at regular intervals to keep them interested, but it is a pretty well controlled stream of winners.
Win Me If You Lose
This is one which definitely falls into the RTFQ bracket.
What happens is you see a stall with massive prizes, and large signs saying you get me if you lose. So you rush over pays your £2, cos this is a no brainer, that big teddy must be worth £50 retail, and its only gonna cost me two quid.
You throw your darts, add the numbers up and yay, you are a winner. As you sit back basking in the glory of showing your friends you are one of life’s winners, the girl in the stall hands you a keyring.
WTF. Before you explode you should really read the rules. You do in fact get the super big teddy if you lose. Trouble is you haven’t lost. The sign doesn’t say that winners get better prizes than losers. All the operator has done really, is swapped the scores around. To actually lose the game is very very difficult. SO virtually everyone wins, and gets the little prize.
The thing to bear in mind is basic common sense. No business can afford to continually swap £2 for £50 prizes. If it looks too good to be true, then it is most certainly going to be.
A variation on this are games like the hook a duck stall. You rarely win the big prize, but you can save your smaller wins up and exchange them. You really do need to work out how much something is going to cost you before you get carried away in the excitement of the day.
Genuine Games
There are many games on the fairground that give you the chance to win large prizes, but you must expect them to be difficult, or need a decent level of skill. At the end of the day, the stalls are all small businesses, and to stay in business they must take more money than the prizes, rent, fuel, insurance etc cost. So as a rule the bigger the prize, the harder it is to win. A walk around any major fair such as say Hull fair or Nottingham Goose fair, will see dozens of people carrying huge prizes, so it is possible to win them, but just use a little common sense.
Over the years we have had our fair share of tales of woe. Thankfully I am happy to say that we never upset the client as we always managed to either put them right, or hide our involvement
This tale is slightly different, in that the client most certainly wasn’t impressed, but thankfully this time it wasn’t us, we were innocent bystanders.
On The Job
Ian, one of our event team. Had been sent on a little job in London, which we had been contracted for by another events company. We work closely with many of the major events companies out there, and a great deal of the smaller ones.
This particular job was in a large office building, and we were only supplying a dessert cart. Anyway Ian had rang me to tell me there was a delay in getting into the loading bay. Not an issue for us as we would take about 10 minutes to set up.
The company we were working for had quite a bit of kit to set up, so they were getting a bit anxious over the time frame. Ian rang a short while later to tell me that they had been given permission to enter the load area. The other team had jumped into their van, reversed at high speed straight into a metal post. The upshot was that the back doors were so deformed, they couldn’t open them, and the vans side door was nonoperational so they couldn’t use that either.
Whilst Ian was making a few trips carrying our equipment in, he said they were in a panic and attacking the back doors with bars trying to force it open.
Oops, Some Mothers Do Ave Em
About 20 minutes later he rang again. Seems they had managed to open the back doors. One of them had gathered up a collection of metal poles which were part of a sidestall and gone charging up a wide staircase and straight through a huge plate glass door. Ian said there was glass everywhere! Oops, not a good start for them.
Not The Actual Entrance, But You Get The Idea
About twenty minutes later Ian phoned yet again. Seems they had set the first of these stalls up. And the guy who had gone through the glass door was stood admiring his stall erecting skills. When unfortunately the top pole, which he hadn’t secured properly. Fell down, hitting him on the head and rendering him unconscious. Ian said that this time there was blood everywhere. I think he would have done Frank Spencer proud.
They had to call a first aider, who in turn called the buildings health and safety, who in turn told them to remove their equipment and leave. Ian explained that although we were contracted by them, we weren’t actually part of the same firm. So they allowed us to stay and operate and we did get paid. A tale of woe, but like a say, not ours this time.
Myth Busters on the funfair. Growing up in a funfair community, before making the move into full time corporate entertainment. I came across over the years some stunning examples of ignorance concerning our industry.
I will attempt to expel some of the most common, and in same cases hilarious examples I have personally been witness to.
Be Careful They Don’t Steal Your Kids
I think this is a holdover from people thinking we are gypsy’s. As I have heard the same comments directed at them. As far as I can find out from a medical point of view, people brought up on the fairground, have the same levels of fertility as the wider community. So why an earth does any rational person think we need to steal kids. The community also being extremely tight knit, wasn’t really very accepting of outsiders. So anyone magically acquiring a kid they had purloined from the outside world would find it very quickly ostracised.
As an aside, there have been occasional cases in the news where people have abducted children from hospitals etc, and been caught. To the best of my knowledge, none of these people have ever had a connection with our industry. So perhaps we have more to fear for our kids being stolen than the other way around.
All The Men On The Fairground Have Tattoos
Hmm, looking at the popular media portrayal of the fairground worker you would think so. Only we don’t, tattoos are considered about on par with halitosis or scabies, you don’t want them. The actual fairground owners just don’t have tattoos. Dave, who you met on the waltzers will almost certainly have them. But here’s the thing, Dave is a local lad that has been employed to help on the rides. He is one of you, not one of us.
The Lads On The Fair Will Steal Your Girlfriend
This is one that I have to hold my hands up and admit has more than a grain of truth. To some teenage girls the bright lights and big rides seem exotic. And there are many cases of hook ups between said young ladies and guys on the fair. It was usually followed the next day by punch ups between irate boyfriends and guys on the fair.
When The Fair Is In Town Crime Goes Up
This is a persistent one that we could never seem to shake off. Some towns we visited would see many of the shops close the week we were there. It’s a stark contrast to the continent, where the fairs and the local chamber of commerce and shops all work together. Indeed on many Dutch Fairgrounds, the shops will sponsor prizes for the best ride or attraction.
I once asked a local superintendent about this, and what he told me was that in his experience the opposite was true. He said that most of the toerag thieves and druggies tended to visit the fair, rather than be out on the rob, so he claimed a reduction in things like housebreaking.
We Know He Was Off The Fairground Because He Wasn’t Wearing Socks Or Shoes
This was an actual quote made to me by a police officer. We had all arrived to set up in Preston Park for an annual event. A squad car turned up with a couple of young officers in. The officer in charge started enquiring if any of us were missing a member of staff. He explained that a body had been found on the motorway about 20 miles away. When I asked why they thought a random body was anything to do with us, that was his reply. “He wasn’t wearing socks or shoes.” Funny thing, I looked down and all of us had socks and shoes on. Well at least we had shoes, without going round pulling trousers legs up I couldn’t swear to the socks. Obviously the officer in question had failed the intelligence test to become a Unigate milkman and joined the police force instead.
We Have A Large Suspect Pool, It Consists Of Everyone Who Was Working At The Fair
We have endured similar over the years. I once received a message from the police that they would like to interview me. It is only routine they said, but they were interviewing everyone who had attended Stokesly Show Fair due to a young lady being sexually assaulted. I told the female detective that she couldn’t see me that day as I was just leaving to an event in Ripon city centre. “No, probs, I did my probation at Ripon nick, could you pop in and see me, only take a minute.”
I duly popped in, and as I sat down in front of her she told me that I was free to go. Turned out they weren’t actually interviewing people, they had a description and if you fitted it they would arrest you. Just out of interest I enquired as to how they intended to track everyone who had attended the fair to see if they fit the description. “Oh we don’t, we are only interviewing people off the actual fair!”
So there might well have been 100,000 people visit the event. But the suspects were strictly limited to the couple of hundred showmen. Who would actually have been hard at work during the time of the fair. Sometimes in compiling these myth busters I truly despair as to the levels of prejudice.
Harrogate
A similar thing occurred a few years later at the Harrogate stray funfair. It seems that someone had been knocked off of their bike and killed on a country road leading to harrogate. Because that particular week the fair was in town, it was decided by the local Stasi, erm sorry constabulary, that it must be a funfair vehicle that had hit him. I mean, there was at least 20 funfair vehicles used that road on that day compared to only a few thousand non funfair vehicles, so its obvious isn’t it.
Anyway said local force turned up armed with paint scrapers to scrape paint samples from all the vehicles on the fair. I must admit this still annoys me all these years later as I had just had my vehicle resprayed, some two weeks before. Again I asked if the paint vandalism was being carried out on all the local hauliers vehicles. Silly question that I knew the answer to before it was asked.
They Don’t Pay Taxes
Another common misconception that we can use in our myth busters. Oh, if only. If I didn’t pay taxes I would be able to afford that 4 seat Cessna airplane I fancy. Or a nice motor cruiser. Obviously there will be some who don’t declare everything to HMRC. But the proportion will be no different to the wider world who aren’t showmen. I don’t for one minute think there are enough funfair operators fiddling their books to keep all those tax inspectors in employment.
Myth Busters They Just Turn Up And Set Up
In January I used to be able to tell you almost every fair I would be attending that season. There would be an occasional gala I might pick up at the last minute. Or occasionally the weather would cancel a fair and I would manage to secure a plot at an alternative. But by and large the events I attended were regular events. That had in some cases been going on for hundreds of years. Even the smaller events would still need permission from landowners, liaison with the police and other local emergency services, sometimes road closure orders, and all would need the layout and mixture of rides and attractions sorting out well in advance. We also needed to advertise the event in advance to ensure we had enough patrons to make it worthwhile.
I cannot remember in 50 years, once ever just turning up and deciding a plot of land would be nice for an immediate funfair to be opened.
Hopefully we can add some more myth busters to our list in the future.
Nowadays weddings are no longer the staid formal affairs they used to be. People look to make them a more fun experience that all of their guests enjoy. Funfair attractions are becoming a popular option at weddings and parties. Here are the 4 best funfair rides for you wedding.
Dodgems
Easily the most fun you can have. Dodgems are loved by all ages, from young kids riding with their parents, to elderly grandparents. Contrary to popular belief, the clue is in the name. You are supposed to dodge each other, not crash head on. Though in our native North East they are more commonly referred to as bumper cars. Hire dodgems and you just can’t go wrong.
You can hire various types and sizes of dodgems. The two main options are continental or traditional. The continental are the latest, highly decorated type rides with additional lighting and bigger music systems. The drawback is they are supplied all folded up on a large trailer and need to be driven in to position. This limits some of the venues they can use.
The traditional type are supplied in little sections and are carried into position for assembly. This means they can be taken through a narrow gate, or into a building so they are far more flexible. They give virtually the same ride, but visually are not as impressive.
Continental Dodgems For HireTraditional Dodgems For Hire
Victorian Carousel
Although not as good a ride as the dodgems, the Carousel is easily the most attractive and ornate ride on the funfair. Dating back to the Reign of Queen Victoria, the carousel is pretty much unchanged from that time. Although electric drive has taken the place of steam. Usually highly decorated with lashings of gold leaf, lots of lights and a traditional organ playing the music. If you want a fabulous set of photos with the bridal party, then this is the ride.
Victorian Carousel Hire
Traditional Ferris Wheel
Another of the iconic traditional ride is the vintage ferris wheel. A little more sedate than the dodgems, its an ideal ride for slightly older guests. The usual tagline is “See the fair from the air.” It will give your wedding a whole new perspective.
Ferris Wheel Hire
Now For Something Different, The Miami Trip.
This is a bit of a curve ball. Its more of a high speed thrill ride, perfect for teenagers and thrill seekers. It makes this list because of two attributes. Firstly its one of the most compact rides on the fairground, needing about half of what any other ride requires. So if you have a smaller compat venue, this might be your only option. Additionally because it is so quick to set up, it tends to be about thirty percent cheaper than most other rides, so its great if you are on a budget.
Miami Ride For Hire
Whichever ride you choose, its sure to delight your guests. If you have the space and budget then we can usually do you a discounted deal on more than 1 ride. Although these are the 4 best funfair rides for your wedding there are many other rides available, so we can prepare packages to your precise requirements.
We hope you like our new customisable carts range.
Few people can claim that this Covid lockdown has been good. Well, I know a handful whose business has gone through the roof. We have suffered financially, but on another level it has helped us.
Because we have been so busy for so long we have pretty much cruised along. During the lockdown we have taken a long look at everything we do. In many cases we have realised we could be doing things better. Or building more into our services.
We have taken this and decided to do something about it. We are revamping and rebuilding our range of carts and attractions. Adding in house branding services to most of what we do. Generally doing things that at one time we would have been at the forefront in.
Custom Themed Carts
The first result of this has been to adapt our little Alpine huts to take a new interchangeable panel system that allows us to theme them up. We have always been willing to add flowers and ribbons or the occasional sign. The new system allows us to alter the character of the cart to suit the clients event.
Pictured below are the initial batch of options for our new customisable carts. These are being added to as we come up with new ideas. Additionally we can very quickly design and manufacture a custom panel to suit a clients needs.
Christmas Themed Alpine CartChalkboard Wedding Cart HireEmoji LIghtboard CartFlashing Light Cart HireGrassed Drinks Cart HireOur Little Dutch Windmill-CartScrabble Wedding Cart HireLittle Tiki BarPimms Cart For Hire
We are in the process of building a 50 inch video screen, a new pixel art screen and a VW camper themed front. As our staff come up with more ideas they will be added to the lineup.
These are intended to be a starting point, additional decor and customisation can be added quickly, and in many cases at smaller events such as weddings, free of charge.
We put a lot of work into being professional, giving our clients an excellent service and hopefully securing regular repeat business. Sometimes though I think we are a bit like ducks, all calm and serene looking on the surface, whilst paddling furiously underneath to keep things going.
We seem to go for extended periods of time, without any major problems or issues. Then all of a sudden the gods of spite rear their ugly heads to slap us about a bit.
A few years ago we were contracted to provide a small family funfair for the opening of NUS Mutuals new headquarters. I wrote about our run in with Princess Anne’s bodyguards at the same event.
In the event, we got set up in the nick of time, operated to the clients satisfaction and was all derigged ready for the road by about 11pm. That should have put us on getting back home for around 2am.
We sent the girls on ahead in the car, I was in a lorry towing a children’s ride, and Arthur was in another lorry towing a trailer loaded with equipment.
Arthur
I’ll introduce Arthur, he could loosely be described as a business partner. There was nothing official, but we tended to do some of the larger jobs together. Physically he looked a bit like Austin Powers, only much much shorter. Think of a 4ft 10 version of Austin Powers, glasses and all and you would be on the right track.
Anyway, I was just approaching Tamworth services when I gets a phone call from Arthur.
“One of the wheels on my trailer is hot”
“How Hot” I enquired.
“Too FU*&^NG hot to touch”, was his expert opinion. That sounded like a wheel bearing was on its way out. I told him I would wait for him in the services.
When he arrived I found he was pretty accurate in his diagnoses, It was too hot to touch. I told him to jack the wheel off the floor so we could see how bad it was. When he did the wheel promptly fell off. The bearing wasn’t on its way out, it had left the building, deceased, kaput, as dead as a very dead thing.
Not our bearing, but one remarkably like it.
When Spares Are A Good Idea
Luckily, the bearing was the same type as used on the wheels of the children’s ride I was towing. I always keep a couple of spares in stock, as they have failed on me in the past. No probs, half an hour and we would be back on the road. We cleaned the stub axle up, changed the bearing, put the wheel back on, and I told Arthur to tighten the locking nut to hold everything in place.
Slight problem he told me, the threads had been damaged and the nut wouldn’t go back on. Crap, we will have to weld it on. “Got a welder” he asked, I did in fact have one, 100 miles away back at base. Why havent you got one was my retort, “Because I didn’t know my FU*&^NG wheel bearing was FU*&^NG going to FU*&^NG fail” was his eloquent reply.
My Kingdom For A Welder
So there we were half past midnight stuck in services on a Sunday morning with no welder. Luckily I thought of my Uncle Michael. About 60 miles away in Nottinghamshire, at that time he would have just been coming in from the pub. A quick call and he agreed to leave a welder at the gate of his property for us to pick up.
Cue a 2 hour round trip for the welder. We got back set the welder up, ran a cable to the power generator, started it up, and welded the nut on. Only we didn’t, as Arthur touched the welding rod to the nut, the generator stopped.
Having just installed it the day before, it didn’t have a fuel tank fitted, instead the fuel was in a five gallon plastic drum. This had moved en route and pulled the fuel pipe out so the engine was starved of diesel. Not an issue, we have purged the fuel system of air plenty often in the past.
My Kingdom For A Battery
We did that, turned the key, and nothing happened, the sodding battery was flat. Now we needed jumper cables, which were also back home. No problem, we were in a services, you could go and buy a set from the garage. You know the type, they are £3.99 a set, only in the services they add a 0 on the end.
No matter the cost we needed the bloody things. We connected them up and yay, the damn thing started. Only the rattling and crunching indicated that the starter motor hadn’t disengaged. It was now being torn apart by the engine running.
Arthur looked at me, “Just weld the FU&*^NG thing on and we’ll repair the starter tomorrow.”
We limped home just as it was becoming daylight, a three hour trip turning into around 8 hours.
