Our catering company is called Candy Floss Crazy. Our first ever offering was candy floss. However in the very early days we didn’t actually own a candy floss machine. We used to borrow them from family members until we could afford our own.
On one occasion, when we were contracted to give floss out at the opening of a brand new casino, we borrowed a machine from my wife’s uncle.
On the night of the event, we were situated next to what turned out to be the high rollers table. The Chinese guests were throwing chips down on the roulette numbers like they were going out of fashion. I counted up one spin that come to about £20,000. And they were all like that.
When You Deal With Cowboys
Anyway, about 30 minutes before the end of my hire I hit a snag. The family we had borrowed the machine from, were a bit of a cowboy outfit. At some point they had changed the electrical cable inside the head of the candy floss machine. Now, this part of the machine heats up to 186C so needs special heatproof cabling. Not so on this machine, they had used cheap two core flex from B&Q. The result was when it eventually touched the heating element, it burnt through and caused an electrical short.
This resulted in the electric tripping off. Shit, that also put the roulette table out of action. Things then got worse. Because it was a brand new casino, no one knew where the trip switches were located. SO, call the maintenance guy right. Well no, it was a Sunday evening and he wasn’t working. So they couldn’t get hold of him.
The upshot was it took them about 25 minutes to restore the power, all I could do was keep clocking up mentally how much they were going to charge me for lost earnings. Once the power was on, the manager shouted across to me your good to go you can start making it again. Gulp, “Oh, it takes 10 minutes to warm my machine up and I finish in 5”, I lied. Luckily he bought it and I packed up and came home without a bill for the £250,000 I had racked up. Candy floss crazy indeed.
Nowadays we only buy new machines, and have them professionally serviced regularly. So if you want to hire a candy floss cart then get in touch.
I used to read how suicide was a major killer of men. That’s something you don’t really take notice of until it happens to your friends. Since hitting 45 I have lost a number of friends. Some to illness, an accident or two and one acquaintance with a drugs overdose.
Recently an old friend from my childhood took his own life. Now, usually the death of a friend brings a feeling of profound sadness. In this case it was a mixture of sad, and anger. Some days the anger drowning out the sadness.
Growing up on the fairground, there was a real tight gang of us. Hitting our mid twenties, most of us found love and some of us moved away from the North East, losing touch in the process. JJ and I had been friends up until we both moved. We didn’t see each other for probably 20 years, then we met up at a mutual friends funeral. We ended up sat talking that long, that both of our spouses rang to see if we were ok, as they had expected us back hours before.
Catching up on things we made a commitment to get together again. He was particularly impressed that I had acquired my pilots licence and we agreed to take a flight together. In the run up to Christmas we had been texting each other to try and arrange a night out, but our respective diary’s stopped this. On our last text we agreed to pick it back up after Christmas
That was the last contact I had with him. A few days into the new year, my dad rang to tell me that JJ had killed himself.
There aren’t many funerals I cry at, its just not in my nature, but I did at that one. All the old gang were there, except Cliff, who is in prison. I was struck by how everyone had turned into a hugger. That wasn’t the macho gang I remember from my youth. But is that part of the problem. Men are expected to be macho, not to cry, to be inscrutable with their feelings.
It Can Be Frightening
Deciding to talk about this with my circle of friends, what I discovered was frightening. Probably 90% of them were on antidepressants. A couple admitted that they had seriously taken steps towards ending their lives. One described how he had sat there with a gun to his head trying to pluck the courage up to pull the trigger. Something snapped him out of it thankfully, and he threw the gun down, only to have it go off and narrowly miss shooting himself in the head! I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry with him.
If you read the government statistics then it shows that the so called Generation X, basically my age group are most at risk of dying from either suicide or drugs overdose.
Can You Accidentally Commit Suicide
Killer Bulls
So whats this got to do with the headline. Well, one of the funfairs we used to operate at when I was a kid, was in a little market town on the Yorkshire Dales called Leyburn. One day me, JJ and Cliff, the one in prison now, had gone fishing. Three of us sat there with one rod, when JJ suddenly jumped up and ran away.
As I sat staring at his back, Cliff suddenly jumped up and ran the other way. Still puzzled I set off after him, catching him quite quickly due to my longer legs I asked between gasps what was up. “They are coming to kill us he screamed”. ???? Looking over my shoulder I suddenly notices a herd of young bullocks stampeding towards us. Now I don’t know if they intended harm, or they had just set off at a gallop because we were running. And to be honest I didn’t care at that point. We reached a tree, which thankfully was climbable and both shimmied up as far as we could get.
How I remember it.
The herd of bloody cows, formed a circle around the tree, then all promptly laid down looking up at us. WTF. Eventually they slowly dispersed, probably bored waiting for their meals to come down. In the event we were up their almost 8 sodding hours.
And what of JJ, the one who got away. He went home watched some morning TV, had his lunch, played with some of the other kids, then near teatime decided to tell what had happened. We ran into the rescue party as we finally managed to come down out of the tree and were making our way home.
Suicide is so bloody final! And truly frightening when you look at how it seems to be increasing.
In the picture above is a blue Rover SD1, . My dad bought that when I was about 18. I remember it coming and thinking wow, its the same car as the police used. It sure did look modern and impressive for its time, and I think it was a European car of the year.
Now, truth be told, the impressive police version used Rovers venerable V8 power plant. Ours was the paltry 2 litre version. Which to be charitable was a bit asthmatic on the power front.
Once we started using the car I found it a mixed bag. The space and comfort was far superior to anything I had driven before. But its short comings soon became apparent. One advantage of the smaller engine version was that when you put your foot down less bits fell off inside. You would turn a corner and bits of interior trim would whizz pass your head. The fit and finish looked like Stevie Wonder had done the final quality control.
When Your Best Friends With The AA Man
During our Rover experience we were members of the AA. Which was quite fortunate seeing as quite often the car returned on the back of an AA transporter. I think in the end the AA wrote to us and told us that we were overusing their service and they were going to have to rethink our membership.
In the 3 years we owned it, it had 2 replacement engines. The second engine then had to have a total rebuild.
Other items failed at random intervals, the gearbox, differential, electrical components. In fact midway through our final year of ownership a fuse had blown for one of the electrical windows. When we looked to replace the blown fuse, we noticed that 2 were blown, so we changed them both. Suddenly after 2 and a half years we discovered we had central locking.
Fuel Pumps And A Work Out
Pump
One of the items that seemed to fail regularly was the fuel pump. This was a small cylindrical pump about the size of a bobbin of cotton. It lived in the actual fuel tank and would fail with depressing regularity. At the time it was about £200, which 30 years ago was a not inconsiderable sum.
My dad eventually got sick of paying for this and bought an electronic aftermarket pump that bolted on the side of the engine. At only £100 this was a nice saving.
I was out one day in the car towing a small tourer following dad, when the car once again chucked it. Because this was such a common state of affairs, It no longer caused a panic, and we carried a comprehensive tool kit in the boot.
Whilst investigating which of BL’s finest components had stranded me this day, an absolutely stunning woman pulled up behind me in a brand spanking new Jaguar sports car. Dressed to the nines she was walking down the side of my trailer when she asked, “Do you need a lift, you can jump in with me.”
As she actually reached me she suddenly realised that I was not only wearing an absolutely scruffy boiler-suit, but both my hands and face were scruffy. Some will say this was a rare occurrence for me to have engaged in manual labour, but we had just finished derigging at an event before hitting the road. As she took stock of me I could see her heart sink as she suddenly thought about her new leather seats. I smiled sweetly and thanked her but told her I could repair it. She made a feeble attempt to argue then beat a hasty retreat.
Electronic Genius
And you know what, I could fix it, my first business was building electronic control systems, so I had a good working knowledge of how electronic units worked.
What I managed to work out was how the pump worked. Basically when the ignition was turned on and power applied to the pump, the electric solenoid pumped once. As it pumped it broke a light beam on an optical switch. This immediately cut the power and the solenoid dropped, whereupon the light beam connected and supplied power for another pump cycle.
Unfortunately said opto switch was defunct, deceased, as dead as a parrot. But being a bit clever with electrics, I disconnected the positive feed. Tapped a wire on, and ran it through the door into the car. By tapping it on the cigarette lighter I could pump enough fuel to start the engine.
Trouble was whenever I came to an hill, the engine would splutter and I would have to tap faster. By the time I caught up with my dad, my left arm felt like it belonged to someone else.
I think I flagged my dad down and got my sister out of the cab of the lorry. She was promptly given fuel pumping duty.
The majority of our enquiries come through our various website’s. We are happy for potential clients to ring us, but email is easier, as when they put all the details down we can work out a price and get a quote to them quickly and efficiently.
But sometimes you get some clients contact you, and you end up thinking “I just don’t need their money this badly”.
A couple stick in mind. The first an enquiry from a lady who wanted to potentially hire a Flying Frogs Ride. The initial enquiry was as follows on our website;
Jumping Frogs Ride
Website Enquiry
Name Jane Doe (not really but we are keeping her details anonomous)
Requirements I would like to hire a jumping frogs ride.
Venue My House
Now, most of the details are here. But, to give an accurate price, I need to work out where our equipment is going to. The venue of my house narrows it down to approximately 25 million possibilities. However she could be in Europe or anywhere.
I emailed back to tell her I needed her to be more specific about where the event was taking place. Her answer;
In a field at the bottom of the drive outside my house.
That is I suppose more specific, but of no real help. So I politely emailed back to her, informing her that as I didn’t know her personally I had no idea where her house was, and could she enlighten me.
The answer?
Next Door To My Mams!
At that point I gave up.
The second was a guy who rang to hire a burger van. Now, because of the amount of people who wanted to hire an empty catering unit for their own use, we actually used to have it state on our contact page that we don’t hire empty units out for anyone else to use. The customer would understand this surely?
Telephone Enquiry
The phone conversation went like this.
Caller “Hello, I know you don’t hire empty burger vans out for other people to use, but could you give me a price on an empty burger van?”
Me “Sprichst du Deutsch?”
Caller “You what”
Me ” Et le Francais?”
Caller “I dont understand”
Me “misschien ben je nederlands?”
Caller “Listen mate why are you speaking foreign languages to me?”
Me “Because I am trying to figure out what language you speak”
Caller “Well I speak English don’t I”
Me “Do you, so what part of we don’t hire empty burger vans out for people to use are you struggling with?”
Caller “Well I just thought you might hire one out to me!”
Me “Oh I do apologise, I didn’t realise you were the Duke of Kent”
Caller “Eh, I’m not am I”
Me “Well in that case we can’t help you.”
Now when they ring up for something similar I find it easier to give them a hire price, then inform them that there is a £35,000 cash deposit required to cover damage. That usually shuts the combination down pretty quickly.
So as they say, ‘The customer is always right’ but jeez.
Sat here locked down, like everyone else, I am looking through the window at a beautiful day. This is turning into one of the nicest years weather wise we have ever seen and the full funfair industry is non existant.
I know some that are struggling with the lockdown, it’s not just financial, but the mental strains are starting to tell, after a friend took his own life at the start of the year, a lot of friends actually started talking more about mental health. What became clear was just how fragile some people are, with an awful lot of friends I know personally on anti-depressants to control their moods. The strain of the lock down is starting to open some cracks up and its worrying.
6 Years Of War
With it being VE day I have sat and thought about what they suffered. Almost 6 years of being at war. Nutcase German pilots visiting nightly with the express intention of dropping a bomb on your head. Loved ones serving in the forces, away from home sometimes for years at a time, and you had no idea from one minute to the next whether they were safe, or some crazed little Japanese man was trying to stick a sword up their harris.
Don’t forget, we didn’t have email, Whatsapp, Facebook or mobile phones then. A husband or father could have been killed, and it might well have been weeks, if not months before you found out. I should imagine every knock on the door, or visit from the postman became a psychological ordeal.
Funfair In The War Years
To a large extent the funfair started the war as it is now, closed. Eventually the government came up with the idea of holidays at home to boost morale, and allowed some limited operations. Some enterprising operators managed to set up inside buildings and operated throughout the period.
In many ways it was actually easier for them than dealing with the virus. With radar and air raid sirens you did have a bit of warning that Franz and his Heinkel were coming to get you. The virus doesn’t afford us the same courtesy.
Today
This should have been one of the busiest days in our calendar, not just the traditional funfairs, but the corporate hire market was well booked up to boot. Obviously nothing will actually go ahead, and for a change we will all be sat doing very little on a bank holiday.
I saw an interview on morning television the other day where the gentleman being interviewed had a clear acrylic ‘Tommy’ sat on his desk. He was asking people to put them in the window for VE day, the funds raised from making them directly supports ex armed forces. Unfortunately it was too late to order one for today, but we have placed an order and will put it in the office window in tribute. As bad as this virus is, I don’t think it can compare to charging into machine gun fire on the beaches of Normandy, or trying to hold Japanese Banzai charges back in Kohima.
They were a tough breed then, woman keeping the family together, little more than kids taking to the skies in Spitfires and Hurricanes to face overwhelming odds in the sky. Sailors on Arctic convoys, braving the twin terrors of wolf packs and weather.
I think in the news recently, Captain Tom, sorry, as he has now become Colonel Tom, exemplifies just what Hitler was facing, poor simple silly sod to think that he had a chance against men like that.
A Commemorative Tommy
A debt of gratitude is owed to all who served 75 years ago. As the NHS front-line are our hero’s today, they are our hero’s of then. VE Day and VJ Day should never be forgotten.
For the Fallen
With proud thanksgiving, a mother for her children, England mourns for her dead across the sea. Flesh of her flesh they were, spirit of her spirit, Fallen in the cause of the free.
Solemn the drums thrill: Death august and royal Sings sorrow up into immortal spheres. There is music in the midst of desolation And a glory that shines upon our tears.
They went with songs to the battle, they were young, Straight of limb, true of eye, steady and aglow. They were staunch to the end against odds uncounted, They fell with their faces to the foe.
They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn. At the going down of the sun and in the morning We will remember them.
They mingle not with their laughing comrades again; They sit no more at familiar tables of home; They have no lot in our labour of the day-time; They sleep beyond England’s foam.
But where our desires are and our hopes profound, Felt as a well-spring that is hidden from sight, To the innermost heart of their own land they are known As the stars are known to the Night;
As the stars that shall be bright when we are dust, Moving in marches upon the heavenly plain, As the stars that are starry in the time of our darkness, To the end, to the end, they remain.
Showmen Thank The NHS. Like many business’s at the minute, the funfair industry has pretty much ceased to exist. With events cancelled up until the middle of the summer and beyond. Indeed some Christmas events are now being cancelled, we are not sure when we will be allowed to operate again.
The common opinion is that it will be next year before events start to come out of the lockdown. We can’t see all the sacrifices made during the lockdown period being swept aside by letting major festivals go ahead. And rightly so. The important thing at the minute is saving lives, hard as it sounds, business will need to take a back seat.
Showmen are an enterprising breed, many have rapidly started small food delivery business’s to keep some income rolling in. There must be a massive market in home delivered fruit and veg. If the amount of showmen who have turned greengrocer is any indication.
Saying Thank You
The showmen however, in the midst of seeing their livelihoods disappear, and with no real idea when they will be allowed to work again, have found time to say thank you to our heroic front line NHS staff and key workers.
We have all stood and clapped to let them know how we feel, but around the country, groups of showmen have raised funds to show their appreciation in a practical way.
Many hospitals put calls out for toiletries and such like. As patients were ending up on Corvid wards, with no supplies. Because of the current visiting rules, their families couldn’t come to see them and bring what they needed.
In short order groups of showmen have raised not inconsiderable sums to purchase toiletries, bottled water, things like pot noodles and other snacks to help alleviate the hospitals shortage.
Showmen’s Guild
In my native North East, the funfair trade body made a donation to start the ball rolling. A number of showmen also took it upon themselves to raise funds.
One member donated a vehicle to be used for delivering the items. Another who runs a small sign making business, lettered the vehicle up free of charge.
They made delivery runs to a number of Northern hospitals. Other showmen added to this and covered smaller centres such as care homes.
I have touched upon the Northern Section of the industry, purely because I come from the area. But the same thing has taken place in most parts of the UK. North East local press reported on the story.
It just goes to show, “There is no business like show business”, and the Showmen thank the NHS to show their appreciation.
The whole world is toiling under this awful virus. We are all sat waiting to see just how bad things get. And just how much the NHS buckles under the strain.
One of the most vital bits of kit we are told, is the ventilator. Crucial to help patients keep breathing, as it seems to be the lungs that are the main focus of Corvid 19’s attack.
Current medical suppliers just aren’t able to ramp up production of their existing designs, as obviously their production facilities just aren’t built to meet the worldwide demand coming in.
The government decided to ask industry for help. The upshot is that 3 approaches have materialised. Dyson, the revolutionary vacuum cleaner company have designed a quite sophisticated machine, compact and capable of operating from battery power.
Gtech, again a vacuum company have designed a quite primitive looking system, which runs purely off the oxygen supply in the hospital. I don’t mean to demean the design by calling it basic, that very fact may mean that it can be produced quickly and cheaply to meet the demand.
The third leg is a consortium of companies such as McLaren, Airbus, Mercedes, who are working with existing suppliers to replicate their design. The benefits obviously being that an established design should be easier to get regulatory approval passed.
Dyson CoVent
Dyson’s Covent Ventilator
Dyson’s machine above looks sleek, compact and quite hi-tech. It needs to garner medical approval, but its reported that initial tests have proven the concept. What really stands out here I think. Is the fact that from being asked, to delivering this prototype was a mere 10 days. Dyson are claiming that if approval is forthcoming, they can ramp production up in early April.
If we have engineers and designers capable of pulling this off in such a time frame, imagine what the country could do if it can work like this when we don’t have a global pandemic to content with.
Gtech
Gtech Ventilator
Gtech’s offering is probably as far removed as possible from Dyson’s and indeed standard models. But that could turn out to be a blessing. Looking at the individual components, this looks like it could be so simple and quick to assemble. This might be just what the world needs.
Whatever model, or combination of models are eventually chosen. Its nice to know that industry can respond so well in such an emergency.
About 15 years ago I had the bright idea of switching to environmentally friendly catering. In fact we decided to switch not only our catering operations, but our travelling funfairs to a more sustainable method of operating.
We made some great advances on this front. Had a bit of attention from the press and even received a couple of environmental awards. Things seemed rosy and I felt I had made a good decision. But then a pattern started to emerge. We would quote for jobs, and explain all about how we were doing our bit for the environment. But we received a lot of replies along the lines of, ‘We really love what you are doing, unfortunately the non environmentally friendly companies are cheaper then you so we are going with them!’
For a time it looked like we could be the most environmentally friendly bankrupt funfair company. So sadly we had to dial down on what we were doing.
We feel now is the time to relaunch our initiative. Biodegradable consumables made from bamboo, paper and plant based products are becoming ever more affordable. Things like LED lighting are being mass produced to the stage they are getting cheaper than traditional alternatives. And many of our customers are starting to make environmental credentials an important part of their purchasing process.
To this end we are ramping up our green credentials. Well we going to if we ever get released from this bloody lockdown.
I’ll try and summarise our intentions, along with how we compare to where we were 15 years ago.
Paper Usage
Looking at our environmental statement from years back, we were going through some 20000 sheets of office paper a year. Over the course of 12 months, we had managed to reduce this to 15000. Our intention was to get it down to 5000 a year. This has been an easy win. Most of our clients are now happy to accept pdf versions of our safety document packs. We average less than 1000 sheets of office paper per annum.
This will no doubt help keep enough paper stocks available for the toilet roll industry to keep up with the current demand from the deranged panic buyers.
Catering Consumables
Last time we tried switching to greener alternatives, coffee cups weren’t too bad, but everything else was prohibitively expensive.
Nowadays there is a vastly improved choice. For many items such as doughnuts and churros we use bamboo boats. For larger items like jacket potatoes, we have found a good range of boxes and plates made from sugarcane bagasse . Bagasse is a residue from sugar cane production. Products derived from it include biofuel, wood substitute and now catering items. It looks very much like polystyrene but is fully biodegradable.
Knives, forks and spoons have been switched to wood. And a few of the items such as waffles on a stick are served in paper trays. In all I don’t think we have anything left being served in plastic.
Food Waste Composting
Its fine having environmentally friendly catering products, but there is another issue. Food waste. Any event we attend there is always some level of waste food. Whether its guests not quite finishing their servings, or the fact that we have cooked a few too many hot dogs. In the past this will all have ended up in landfill.
Last time we went down this route, we acquired a Swedish hot composting system. You would feed it with waste food, and a mixture of dry wood pellets. Then give it a good spin to mix it. Bacteria would slowly heat the mixture up and consume the food and waste to leave a rich compost, ideal for the garden.
Sadly our original composter was destroyed, (someone ran over it) and never replaced.
We are now looking at adding something to replace this to ensure we can remove our small amount of food waste from the landfill system. One system that does look promising is the HotBin compost system. Like our old Swedish system, you add food waste and in this case shredded paper. The system again raises the heat to allow microbial action to reduce everything to a separate mix of solid compost and liquid leachate (which makes a great liquid fertiliser). We are still looking at system, but as soon as this virus pandemic ends we will place an order for a system of some kind.
Biofuels For Our Generators
This is one avenue were we have had to admit defeat. What we discovered was that the newer generating plant we had didn’t like 100% biodiesel. Some of the older stuff would run happily on it, though we had to change many of the rubber fuel lines. The trouble is, the newer kit is both less polluting to begin with, and also far more fuel efficient. So it didn’t make sense to swap the latest kit back to stuff that was 20 years out of date.
Because of the transitory nature of funfairs, there isn’t really any scope to make use of renewable power. The one exception perhaps is the classic helter skelter. Because it is powered by gravity, it can operate without a power source, needing just power for lighting. Before we disposed of ours, I had drawn up plans to use a combination of a solar powered battery charger and small wind turbine to constantly charge a battery pack, and then use an inverter to power LED lighting throughout the ride. I still think this would work.
Lighting
This is one avenue that is actually coming of age. LED lighting prices are now falling to the extent where they are only a smallish premium over incandescent lighting. Additionally LED lights take far less power to run, with the result that either smaller more fuel efficient generators can be used to power them, or the larger generators are working less and saving fuel. With the chancellors decision to remove the tax rebate on red diesel (used to power generators) its now reached the stage where its a no brainer to make the switch. The fuel savings alone will pay the costs back pretty quickly. And technically LED should last far longer than a traditional light bulb.
Certification
To ensure that we can communicate the extent of our green push to our clients we are looking at a number of certification systems which would officially show our work. In the past we were part of a few different initiatives, but these petered out over time.
In summary offering environmentally friendly catering is something that is fast becoming a must, rather than an optional extra.
If you fancy hot dog cart hire or any of our offerings with an environmentally friendly service then get in touch.
When looking for new lines we hit upon the idea of a Wild West photo booth. We looked at various saloon bars, a teepee, but decided that the most classic wild west ‘vehicle’ had to be the Concord stagecoach. Just like John Wayne in the classic film.
Luckily, we have a member of staff that happens to be a whizz, with wood. So, after some research, and finding some stagecoach plans (albeit for a model coach), we managed to create a workable blueprint.
The Build
When we started, in fairness, we didn’t actually realise the amount of work we were letting ourselves in for. But the initial body shaping looked spot on, and kept us reassured we were on the right track.
Initial Frame BuildOuter Panelling Starting To Take Shape
The initial body shape came together well, because the body curves in 2 planes, it was difficult to shape, but after some intensive work, we got it together into the basic body.
Adding The Detail to the Doors and windows.Coat Of Stain, And Trying The Wheels For SizeAdding The Drivers Seat And Footboard
This about finished the body, other than the interior. We didi think that was the bulk of the work done, until we actually started assembling the chassis.
Fitting The Chassis JointsGetting ThereAssembling The Front AxleAssembled, Now Adding Some Of The Metalwork
The Chassis was actually quite complicated, as we tried to follow the real things metalwork, with a working handbrake, and the correct slings and fittings.
Almost The Finished Item. Body Mounted, Much Of The Steel Work Fitted.Adding The Artwork To Finish It OffOur High Plains Buffalo
All in all it was a long complicated build, but it has given us a totally unique photo booth, perfect for those wild west events.
Well, a week after my release from hospital and another entry in my Coronavirus Diary. I am walking a 4-5 mile course every day. The 2 stone I lost inside wouldn’t have been too bad if a lot of it hadn’t come off my arms and legs. So to build them back up I dusted off my kettlebell weight. The only one I have at home is 16kg so its good for a decent workout, and I am feeling pretty good so no problem. Ha, I only managed to get half way before I felt absolutely knackered. And my arms and legs feel like they belong to someone else this morning.
A lot of the fairground industry is starting to go into panic mode. Initially they thought this was going to be a two or three month break, but now I think we are all realising that we may end up writing this season off. The government has just cancelled the major climate change conference in November, so they aren’t too confident that things will be back to normal by then.
They say necessity is the mother of invention. An awful lot of the showmen I know seem to have turned into fruit and veg salesman, with a multitude of home delivery options on offer. Good luck to them.
Poor Premiership Stars
I see the players football association is suggesting the premier league stars take a 30% pay cut. The poor darlings, the average wage is £3 million a year, how an earth will they manage on only £2 million per annum. Perhaps we should start a gofund me page to help them out.
The major clubs have furloughed their support staff, because obviously all of them together will add up to perhaps the left backs salary so its a big saving. The next step will be them asking for a government handout to enable them to keep paying their stars mega salaries.
When I was a kid my dentist was actually an ex professional footballer. He had played for Newcastle United, and was wanted by Manchester United. He instead chose to go to Darlington. When I asked why you would choose them over Man U, his reply was, “At the time I could earn more as a dentist, than I could as a football player, Darlington offered to let me continue my dentistry as well as playing football. Man U insisted I stopped being a dentist, and with a family to look after I couldn’t afford to do that.”
How things have changed.
Its A Conspiracy
I tend to use Facebook for my business pages, its another business tool. With the lockdown I have to admit I am using it more from a personal perspective. One of the things which really tickle me is the prevalence of conspiracy theories. It turns out there isn’t actually a virus after all, its 5G transmitters that are causing people to have viral symptoms. Its the fault of the Illuminati and the Masons who are ushering in the new world order.
People are calling on their comrades to get ready for the fightback. Well, any organisation that can successfully have every health care professionals, not only in the UK, but the rest of the planet, all toe the line and lie that its a virus, well, do you really think power like that can be challenged?
Personally I know its not 5G, its pod people from Mars. That’s why Boris isn’t appearing on TV, his symptoms was the first stage of his body being taken over by a pod person. When he appears again he will be fully assimilated. Bit like the Borg really.
Though my wife has a novel theory. She claims that I am the cause of the coronavirus pandemic. Allegedly I am trying to keep my daughters boyfriend away. I will keep you informed on how well this worldwide plan works in a future update to our Coronavirus Diary .
American Pirates
I see in the news that America has been accused of piracy. It seem Trump has invoked a Korean war era directive to prevent companies like 3M exporting face masks to the rest of the world. Their entire production is now being ring-fenced for the States. Whilst I can understand the outrage of other countries that were expecting deliveries from them. Can you really condemn Trump for looking after his own people first. Imagine the scenario of Europe recovering with the aid of millions of 3M masks. Whilst Americans die due to a lack of them. In all honesty I would hope our government would make the same call in that situation.
Hopefully some more Coronavirus Diary to come soon.
